DPS Introduces Newest Officer: Prince Harry

By Marvin Irwin To continue to pretend to crack down on COVID-19 guideline violations on campus, the Department of Public Safety has announced that it is expanding its ranks. One particular new recruit has captured the imagination of the campus community.  Among the newest additions to the DPS forces is everyone’s favorite redhead from the … Continue reading DPS Introduces Newest Officer: Prince Harry

Stags TV show “Lucas ‘N Me” Cancelled Following Chick-fil-A Scandal

By Frederick “Quickie” Mercurium MEDIA CENTER - Writers of the now-defunct “Lucas ‘N Me” project protest outside the Levee following an outrageous scandal that led to its cancellation. The scandal in question refers to pictures of Lucas the Stag involved with Chick-fil-A employee Justin Tymme with documents of unknown nature sprawled across a table at … Continue reading Stags TV show “Lucas ‘N Me” Cancelled Following Chick-fil-A Scandal

Coronacation: Campus-Wide Hide and Seek Gone Too Far 

By Frederick “Quickie” Mercurium Fairfield University reported that the “Campus Hide & Seek” FYE Thrive Event created a problem in attendance in classes. DPS has noticed that they cannot locate any students or staff on the campus. Unfortunately, as much as the University notifies all that the event was only meant to last for a … Continue reading Coronacation: Campus-Wide Hide and Seek Gone Too Far 

Fairfield University Cancels One-Episode Student Show

By Frederick “Quickie” Mercurium The newest show on the Fairfield University streaming service, "The Stag Show with Gregory Luthers," was immediately canceled after airing for 10 minutes. Luthers was brought into the Dean’s office to discuss his status as a Fairfield student as parents of freshmen students demand for his expulsion. Luthers denied any involvement … Continue reading Fairfield University Cancels One-Episode Student Show

Crisis Hits Tully After Widespread Dry Mouth Caused by CBD Oil/Olive Oil Mix-Up

By Rosemary Harper Last Wednesday a senior chowing down in the Tully unknowingly sparked a widespread panic to all olive oil consumers. Stuart Gregstein ‘20  had brought his own bottle of CBD infused oil from home to sprinkle on his grilled cheese sandwich and popcorn chicken for “that extra punch of flavor only a good … Continue reading Crisis Hits Tully After Widespread Dry Mouth Caused by CBD Oil/Olive Oil Mix-Up