By Rosemary Harper
Last Wednesday a senior chowing down in the Tully unknowingly sparked a widespread panic to all olive oil consumers. Stuart Gregstein ‘20 had brought his own bottle of CBD infused oil from home to sprinkle on his grilled cheese sandwich and popcorn chicken for “that extra punch of flavor only a good hemp kick can provide”.
Unfortunately for Stuart, he forgot his jar of CBD on the table, instead picking up a jar filled with regular olive oil. At this point you may be wondering how this could have happened; CBD oil and olive oil come in two completely different looking containers, which is true. In his Junior year, Stuart had swiped a jar of regular olive oil from the Tully because it “sprinkles so much better than other jars” and he couldn’t find the same model on Amazon. After leaving his table, the unsuspecting jar was picked up by a Tully employee and taken back into the kitchen.
CBD, which is often used for medical purposes, is known to reduce anxiety and depression. However it is also known to cause side effects such as diarrhea, vomiting, nausea and dry mouth- the latter of which was experienced by all those who ate pasta last Wednesday around 1 pm.
Soon after the symptoms started to kick in, a mass hysteria fell upon the Tully. Tables were flipped, ice cream was desperately shoved into mouths, water was dumped onto heads. It was pure chaos but to no avail. DPS was called in around 30 minutes after several students began to desperately dunk their heads into water jugs. No matter what they tried, the hemp would just not leave.
Once DPS arrived, all ten officers walked up the stairs, stopped and watched the chaos for about five minutes then swiftly turned around to get backup with more authority. As the dry mouth worsened, chaos continued to reign supreme. The BCC was put on lockdown, and surrounding hospitals in the area were called in for moral support. The only solution DPS could conceive was to turn on the sprinkler system in the Tully and hope that everyone inside would open their mouths up to the ceiling like baby birds being fed by their mother until their dry mouth subsided.
Stuart isn’t allowed his oil jar anymore and has since had to find another way to sprinkle his CBD onto his lunch.
Stagnation 