By Nathan Schmidt Bad news, everybody. I’ve made a terrible mistake. We go with the flow at this club. It happens that most Stagnation writers use a pseudonym of some kind to protect their identities as satire writers, generally from future employers and their own family members. I assumed, over the past three academic years … Continue reading Stagnation Editor-in-Chief Resigns After Realizing He Never Used A Pseudonym
Category: Opinion
SEO Expert Makes Stagnation 1st Place on All Google Searches
By Nathan Schmidt My friends, we have made it. We have struck gold. Last week, Stagnation was approached by a talented SEO expert looking for work. Although their name is Kathy, we will keep them anonymous in this article. By revamping Stagnation’s website design and fixing our metadata using legitimate techniques, we have achieved the … Continue reading SEO Expert Makes Stagnation 1st Place on All Google Searches
Op-Ed: Seeing Red; Why on Earth Is the Last COVID-19 Danger Level Purple?
By Mike Wishart This past weekend, after seeing a troubling and sudden rise in COVID-19 cases on campus, the University announced that we would be moving to Status Level Orange. This means that the RecPlex has closed, posing a serious threat to the #gains of the campus community. The Tully is now entirely grab-and- go, … Continue reading Op-Ed: Seeing Red; Why on Earth Is the Last COVID-19 Danger Level Purple?
Study Reveals Turkey’s Beards are Reason for Their Brazen Nature
By Rosemary Harper Turkeys are a common sight around the Fairfield U campus. They are fearless and they don’t give a shit. You have probably wondered where this brazen nature of theirs comes from, as we at Stagnation have asked time and time again. Well folks, strap in and hold on to your hats because … Continue reading Study Reveals Turkey’s Beards are Reason for Their Brazen Nature
Op-Ed: I’m Sorry, But That Cupcake Is Not 60 Calories
By Nathan Schmidt Fairfield University, like all Jesuit universities, bears a duty for truth and clarity. And that duty extends into the Tully. It’s bad enough to be given bright green steamed broccoli that turns out to be frozen and thawed nearly to mush. There is absolutely no excuse for labeling a Samoa cupcake as … Continue reading Op-Ed: I’m Sorry, But That Cupcake Is Not 60 Calories
University Has Updated Its Privacy Policy, Bathroom Stalls and Curtains Removed
By Mike Wishart You may have seen a bit more of your neighbors than you planned in the past few days. That’s likely because the university has updated its privacy policy, and as a result all bathroom stalls, shower/window curtains, and doors on campus have been removed. In addition, surveillance cameras have been placed in … Continue reading University Has Updated Its Privacy Policy, Bathroom Stalls and Curtains Removed
Masked Prankster Drops Tide Pods into People’s Water Bottles
By Chase Galloway The laundry room is always total ass. There is always some dryer not working and like, 99 minutes racked up on it. And most of the washers either have a bunch of finished clothes just sitting there or a bunch of loose coins and other shit sitting in the back of the … Continue reading Masked Prankster Drops Tide Pods into People’s Water Bottles
Op-Ed: The Tully Has Betrayed Us
By Nathan Schmidt To Sodexo: This is an open letter to you, concerning the grievance inflicted on the student body and my own person this week. I believed in you. I believed in the food at the Tully. You promised the world to us when the dining hall was renovated. You delivered for such a … Continue reading Op-Ed: The Tully Has Betrayed Us
Op-Ed: “““Art””” in Bannow should be taken down
By Willoughby Humphrey The Bannow Science Center is a proud beacon of scientific thought on campus here at Fairfield University. But while admiring the scientific portraits of fish and birds, I noticed on the wall of the second floor a piece of art so heinous and wrong-footed, that naturally I had to write an article … Continue reading Op-Ed: “““Art””” in Bannow should be taken down
Stagnation Writers Stage Administrative Coup
By Brad Wilson At last week's Stagnation meeting, the four active members of Stagnation discussed the inactivity of our satirical newspaper. We also discussed staging a coup to overthrow the older e-board, which worked well because nobody on the older e-board was there. It was a very successful coup. We then agreed to abide to … Continue reading Stagnation Writers Stage Administrative Coup
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