Stagnation Replaces The Mirror as University Publication; U.S Government Sues For Libel

Freddie “Quickie” Mercurium BARONE - Fairfield University suffers countless lawsuits after putting its satire newspaper Stagnation as main publisher. Last week, COSO decided that in order to secure more money for clubs, The Mirror would be shut down to supply the Weaselmen Society with the needed resources for “the emergency not-gambling charity event funding.” “Hey, … Continue reading Stagnation Replaces The Mirror as University Publication; U.S Government Sues For Libel

Fairfield Introduces Hunger Games Style Events to Solve Limited Housing in Freshmen Buildings

by April Griffin Fairfield’s Class of 2025 has the highest total enrolment to date. As a result, housing options have become incredibly scarce and the university had to get creative to solve their lack of space. The university is now implementing “Hunger Games” style events in order to solve their issue. “It definitely wasn’t our … Continue reading Fairfield Introduces Hunger Games Style Events to Solve Limited Housing in Freshmen Buildings

Presball DJ Revealed to be Time Traveler from 2013

by Pepper Pippins Stagnation reporters have uncovered the truth about the DJ at the 2021 Presidential Ball. Last Friday marked the first major on campus event since the start of the Covid19 pandemic. Students expected to encounter covid related limitations, however there was one thing that no one expected. All the music was at least … Continue reading Presball DJ Revealed to be Time Traveler from 2013

Numerous Students Gone Missing After Pres Ball; Authorities Brush Off as Students Partying Hard

Frederick “Quickie” Mercurium BELLARMINE - Sunday morning, authorities are on the lookout for several missing students following the Presidential Ball. Despite the enormous turnout for freshmen and higher, all attendees disappeared under unknown circumstances.  “It’s just the way these college kids roll,” DPS Officer Jim Jambo stated Saturday, “First, they get absolutely black-out drunk. Then, … Continue reading Numerous Students Gone Missing After Pres Ball; Authorities Brush Off as Students Partying Hard

Students Notice Drop in Quality of “Chicken Tenders” in Tully, DPS Notice Reports of Missing Turkeys

by Richard “Richie” Swett Gamey taste and blandness has been reported in Chicken tenders in the campus cafeteria! Fairfield University’s beloved campus turkeys have had a drop in sightings recently. DPS has told Stagnation reporters that they had taken note of this and started regular patrols targeting turkey theft. Fairfield U’s Tully cafeteria patrons have … Continue reading Students Notice Drop in Quality of “Chicken Tenders” in Tully, DPS Notice Reports of Missing Turkeys

‘Godzilla vs. Kong’ Review: Not Enough Human Drama

By Marvin Irwin Pretentious. Intellectual. A Bore. All of the phrases I have just listed perfectly sum up the film “Godzilla vs. Kong.” Never before have we seen such a disconnect between what the audience craves and what a director gives to us.  My whole awful experience of viewing this movie began as I made … Continue reading ‘Godzilla vs. Kong’ Review: Not Enough Human Drama

Ford Releases New Bronco, OJ Seeks Royalties For Every White One Sold

By Marvin Irwin If you love off-road capabilities, durability, double homicide, and American engineering, then Ford has just released the perfect car for you.  This past year, Ford announced that it was bringing back its iconic SUV, the Ford Bronco. Bringing back the Bronco makes a lot of sense for Ford.  The Bronco is one … Continue reading Ford Releases New Bronco, OJ Seeks Royalties For Every White One Sold

Student Tour Ambassador Hypes Up Fairfield’s Pokémon Go Scene

By Nathan Schmidt In the era of Covid-19, in-person tours of Fairfield campus are a thing of the past. But student tour ambassador Raymond Shampi ‘21 has found a new and revolutionary way to attract new prospective students online to Fairfield University: advertising the campus’ offerings in Pokémon Go. “There are so many more gyms … Continue reading Student Tour Ambassador Hypes Up Fairfield’s Pokémon Go Scene

Disney Announces New “Star Wars” Trilogy Directed by Tim Burton

By Frederick “Quickie” Mercurium This week, Disney announced that director Tim Burton will be directing a remake of the original Star Wars trilogy. While fans remain rabid over this decision, many longtime Tim Burton fans are requesting numerous changes to better fit the roles such as Danny DeVito playing Darth Vader and Winona Ryder as … Continue reading Disney Announces New “Star Wars” Trilogy Directed by Tim Burton

Stagnation: BeefShake™ Edition

By Pete Peterson After a sweet pump at the gym, do you ever feel like there’s not enough time to get all of the essential nutrients in your system to maximize your gains?  Cooking food takes too long, those fancy protein shakes are too expensive, and you can only eat so many raw eggs before … Continue reading Stagnation: BeefShake™ Edition