By Rosemary Harper A rare outage from the popular music streaming platform Spotify caused introverts and gym bros alike to live their worst nightmare- a little over an hour of a musicless existence. At around 1:10pm EST on Tuesday March 8th, when thousands of users were logged out of their accounts, Fairfield U students began … Continue reading Spotify Outage Causes Chaos and Panic on Campus
Category: Entertainment
Fairfield University Sued By Paul McCartney; Student Band Plagiarizing Entire Beatles Albums
By Freddie “Quickie” Mercurium GREENS - The Fairfield student-led band “The Staggles” are under a class-action lawsuit from the McCartney estate after numerous onlookers realized their performance was ripped from the “Abbey Road” album. “They just called it ‘She Came In Through The Regis Window’, can you believe it?” Fairfield resident Paul Blarsky stated, “Absolutely … Continue reading Fairfield University Sued By Paul McCartney; Student Band Plagiarizing Entire Beatles Albums
Alumni Family Weekend Abruptly Cuts Following Band Being Minors
Frederick “Quickie” Mercurium REGIS - Fairfield Alumni and parents are outraged at the University following the appearance of the Adults at Alumni Family Weekend. Much to everyone’s horror, the Adults turned out to be minors around the age of 12. “I like playing my guitar,” said Jimmy Shareden, “My mom bought my guitar. Do you … Continue reading Alumni Family Weekend Abruptly Cuts Following Band Being Minors
Stagnation Replaces The Mirror as University Publication; U.S Government Sues For Libel
Freddie “Quickie” Mercurium BARONE - Fairfield University suffers countless lawsuits after putting its satire newspaper Stagnation as main publisher. Last week, COSO decided that in order to secure more money for clubs, The Mirror would be shut down to supply the Weaselmen Society with the needed resources for “the emergency not-gambling charity event funding.” “Hey, … Continue reading Stagnation Replaces The Mirror as University Publication; U.S Government Sues For Libel
Fairfield Introduces Hunger Games Style Events to Solve Limited Housing in Freshmen Buildings
by April Griffin Fairfield’s Class of 2025 has the highest total enrolment to date. As a result, housing options have become incredibly scarce and the university had to get creative to solve their lack of space. The university is now implementing “Hunger Games” style events in order to solve their issue. “It definitely wasn’t our … Continue reading Fairfield Introduces Hunger Games Style Events to Solve Limited Housing in Freshmen Buildings
Presball DJ Revealed to be Time Traveler from 2013
by Pepper Pippins Stagnation reporters have uncovered the truth about the DJ at the 2021 Presidential Ball. Last Friday marked the first major on campus event since the start of the Covid19 pandemic. Students expected to encounter covid related limitations, however there was one thing that no one expected. All the music was at least … Continue reading Presball DJ Revealed to be Time Traveler from 2013
Numerous Students Gone Missing After Pres Ball; Authorities Brush Off as Students Partying Hard
Frederick “Quickie” Mercurium BELLARMINE - Sunday morning, authorities are on the lookout for several missing students following the Presidential Ball. Despite the enormous turnout for freshmen and higher, all attendees disappeared under unknown circumstances. “It’s just the way these college kids roll,” DPS Officer Jim Jambo stated Saturday, “First, they get absolutely black-out drunk. Then, … Continue reading Numerous Students Gone Missing After Pres Ball; Authorities Brush Off as Students Partying Hard
Students Notice Drop in Quality of “Chicken Tenders” in Tully, DPS Notice Reports of Missing Turkeys
by Richard “Richie” Swett Gamey taste and blandness has been reported in Chicken tenders in the campus cafeteria! Fairfield University’s beloved campus turkeys have had a drop in sightings recently. DPS has told Stagnation reporters that they had taken note of this and started regular patrols targeting turkey theft. Fairfield U’s Tully cafeteria patrons have … Continue reading Students Notice Drop in Quality of “Chicken Tenders” in Tully, DPS Notice Reports of Missing Turkeys
‘Godzilla vs. Kong’ Review: Not Enough Human Drama
By Marvin Irwin Pretentious. Intellectual. A Bore. All of the phrases I have just listed perfectly sum up the film “Godzilla vs. Kong.” Never before have we seen such a disconnect between what the audience craves and what a director gives to us. My whole awful experience of viewing this movie began as I made … Continue reading ‘Godzilla vs. Kong’ Review: Not Enough Human Drama
Ford Releases New Bronco, OJ Seeks Royalties For Every White One Sold
By Marvin Irwin If you love off-road capabilities, durability, double homicide, and American engineering, then Ford has just released the perfect car for you. This past year, Ford announced that it was bringing back its iconic SUV, the Ford Bronco. Bringing back the Bronco makes a lot of sense for Ford. The Bronco is one … Continue reading Ford Releases New Bronco, OJ Seeks Royalties For Every White One Sold
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