“Talking Statue” of Pope Francis Removed After Landmark #MeToo Verdict

By Nathan Schmidt The time has come for students to rejoice! For more than a year, the Barone Campus Center has stood in the shadow of the ominous marble statue of Pope Francis, an icon of the Talking Statue project and a terror to students across the university. But this week, just one day after … Continue reading “Talking Statue” of Pope Francis Removed After Landmark #MeToo Verdict

Titus Andronicus on Ice Review

By Frederick “Quickie” Mercurium Before Fairfield University’s theatre crew could present the Shakespeare tragedy, Titus Andronicus, I was given access to another collaborative work with Webster Bank Arena. This work was being funded by the English department in an effort to be faithful and family friendly to the local community. This was, of course, reviewed … Continue reading Titus Andronicus on Ice Review

Fairfield University Changes Motto to “Live Young, Live Fast”

By Nathan Schmidt Campus administration announced this week that the new motto of Fairfield University will be Vive Iuvenis, Vive Cito, or “Live Young, Live Fast.” This announcement heralds the departure from the 1997 motto of Per Fidem ad Plenam Veritatem, which translates to “Through Faith to the Fullness of Truth.” Sources claimed that the … Continue reading Fairfield University Changes Motto to “Live Young, Live Fast”

Fairfield @ Night Announces New Parkour Challenge Around Campus

By Rosemary Harper F@N has announced a new and exciting initiative in which students will race against the clock and each other in their new Active Nites initiative. The planned course takes competitors through the Barone Campus Center starting at the Tully stairs and ending in the Lower Level BCC, with the event planned for … Continue reading Fairfield @ Night Announces New Parkour Challenge Around Campus

The Tragedy of Darth Binks the Wise

By Connor O’Rourke Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Binks the Wise? It’s not a story the Jedi would tell you. It’s a Sith legend. Darth Binks was once a wise, yet despised evil mastermind whose foolish behaviour and dimwitted demeanour would lead you to think he wasn’t a Sith Lord. Binks was … Continue reading The Tragedy of Darth Binks the Wise

Fairfield University Cancels One-Episode Student Show

By Frederick “Quickie” Mercurium The newest show on the Fairfield University streaming service, "The Stag Show with Gregory Luthers," was immediately canceled after airing for 10 minutes. Luthers was brought into the Dean’s office to discuss his status as a Fairfield student as parents of freshmen students demand for his expulsion. Luthers denied any involvement … Continue reading Fairfield University Cancels One-Episode Student Show

Fairfield’s Rising Prices Linked to Occult Conspiracy

By Blume “Blame it on inflation.” This is what greeted us as we managed to find a professor who was willing to talk to us about rising prices at Fairfield University. Past attempts at talking to the financial offices were met with fierce resistance, administrators treating us as if we had the plague and only … Continue reading Fairfield’s Rising Prices Linked to Occult Conspiracy

Theatre Major Thinks TV is Beneath Them, Ends Up Fighting Desperate Film Major

By Willoughby Humphrey I was perusing through the Career Fair when I witnessed an engaging bout of discussion between what appeared to be a Theatre major and a Film, Television and Media Arts major. They were in a heated debate right next to a talent agency table. The agency was mainly looking for actors for … Continue reading Theatre Major Thinks TV is Beneath Them, Ends Up Fighting Desperate Film Major

Student Accidentally Calls Priest “Daddy” Instead of “Father”

By Mike Wishart Things took a turn for the kinky this past Sunday when a student made an unfortunate error while addressing one of the University’s priests. As the parishioners attending the 11 a.m. mass filed out of the chapel, they bid farewell to the priest leading the mass saying “Thank you, Father.” But one … Continue reading Student Accidentally Calls Priest “Daddy” Instead of “Father”

Op-Ed: I’m Sorry, But That Cupcake Is Not 60 Calories

By Nathan Schmidt Fairfield University, like all Jesuit universities, bears a duty for truth and clarity. And that duty extends into the Tully. It’s bad enough to be given bright green steamed broccoli that turns out to be frozen and thawed nearly to mush. There is absolutely no excuse for labeling a Samoa cupcake as … Continue reading Op-Ed: I’m Sorry, But That Cupcake Is Not 60 Calories