By Mike Wishart
Things took a turn for the kinky this past Sunday when a student made an unfortunate error while addressing one of the University’s priests. As the parishioners attending the 11 a.m. mass filed out of the chapel, they bid farewell to the priest leading the mass saying “Thank you, Father.” But one unidentified student made the mistake of saying “Thank you, Daddy.”
This slip-up immediately caused quite the stir in the house of worship. The priest being addressed in this inappropriate manner passed out immediately. He was picked up and carried to his chambers by members of Campus Ministry and has been meditating and praying for answers ever since.
The student involved in the incident could not be reached for comment. By the time this article was being written and investigated, she had already transferred to an undisclosed university on the West Coast.
This incident may seem comparable to when you would accidentally call your teacher “Mom” in elementary school, but I can assure you that this incident is far worse. In case you are curious as to why this slip-up has produced such devastating circumstances, the term “Daddy” is defined by Urban Dictionary as “A name used, mostly by innocent young girls, to address an older guy that they either have sexual relations with or sexual interest in.” An all night vigil was held for the death of the unnamed student’s dignity, and all other regularly scheduled masses for the rest of the day were cancelled.
I interviewed a priest that was not involved in the incident and he insists that he sees nothing wrong with the situation.
“Father, Dad, Daddy. It’s all the same. I don’t understand what all the hubbub is about. If someone wants to call me Daddy instead of Father, I’m all for it,” he stated before I left the interview, feeling like I needed a shower.
The whole situation has seemed to cool off, and the feeling on campus has since mostly returned back to normal. The real question now is, how did the priest know that the term “Daddy” had such an inappropriate connotation? For any further updates stay tuned to Stagnation, and if you have any thoughts on being called “Daddy,” keep it to yourself.