Stagnation Editor-in-Chief Resigns After Realizing He Never Used A Pseudonym

By Nathan Schmidt Bad news, everybody. I’ve made a terrible mistake. We go with the flow at this club. It happens that most Stagnation writers use a pseudonym of some kind to protect their identities as satire writers, generally from future employers and their own family members. I assumed, over the past three academic years … Continue reading Stagnation Editor-in-Chief Resigns After Realizing He Never Used A Pseudonym

CIA Helps University Officials Take People Off-Campus For Summer Closing

By Marvin Irwin It’s that time of the year again. The birds are chirping, the sun is shining, and the allergy sufferers are sneezing. You know what that means. The University wants you to get the hell out of your room, like yesterday.  Fairfield has begun its semesterly barrage of emails. Each one begging you … Continue reading CIA Helps University Officials Take People Off-Campus For Summer Closing

Chapel Replaces Communion Wine with Vodka and Grape Fanta

By Pete Peterson Businesses have struggled since the pandemic began last March, and not even churches could escape the crash.  Although the Catholics have mostly avoided any new child-fondling instances, the Pope was forced to make business decisions to turn the stock back in the direction of the big man upstairs (and Gamestop).  Stagnation talked … Continue reading Chapel Replaces Communion Wine with Vodka and Grape Fanta

First Year Film Students Help Accelerate Demolition of Alumni Hall

By Rosemary Harper This Monday marked the beginning of construction for Fairfield U’s new Convocation Center and the demolition of our beloved airplane hangar, formerly known as Alumni Hall. The hyped up deconstruction of the old facility has left students less than excited to say the least, as many members of the Fairfield community were … Continue reading First Year Film Students Help Accelerate Demolition of Alumni Hall

Stagnation Battle For Role of Editor-in-Chief; Winner Declared Within Remains of Alumni Hall

By Frederick “Quickie” Mercurium FORMERLY ALUMNI HALL - The winner of Stagnation declared herself amongst the rubble of the demolished Alumni Hall, clutching the former Editor-in-Chief as she gave a victory screech. “Yeah, anyway, I’m head of Stagnation now,” Claire E. T. Nunn ‘24 reported calmly, “I guess it’s cool.” During the demolition of Alumni … Continue reading Stagnation Battle For Role of Editor-in-Chief; Winner Declared Within Remains of Alumni Hall

StagsTV Announces New Kids Program; Plans Quickly Cancelled

By Frederick "Quickie" Mercurium MEDIA CENTER - Reagen Ruskie ‘23 has canceled all plans for the StagsTV Kids block following backlashes against the new direction taken by the show. “We did segments about how cool our dorms looked,” complained Bianca Steppenoutte ‘19, “And now we’re just doing some weird Wiggles crap? Trash.” Potential programs such … Continue reading StagsTV Announces New Kids Program; Plans Quickly Cancelled

FUSA Constitution Rewritten to Ban “Un-Stag-Like” Speech

By Nathan Schmidt This week, an anonymous Stagnation reporter uncovered provisions in the new FUSA Constitution to ban what it describes as “un-Stag-like” speech. The constitutional document, which was rewritten this semester and ratified last month, bans any speech, writing or body language on campus that contradicts “Stag spirit, Jesuit values, or good ideas from … Continue reading FUSA Constitution Rewritten to Ban “Un-Stag-Like” Speech

“Fairfield In Focus” Gives Incoming First Years A Taste of Zoom

By Nathan Schmidt Last week, Fairfield University clubs participated in the second of the semester’s two Fairfield In Focus events — not on campus, of course, but over Zoom. The online-only quarantine-safe events, which were designed to introduce incoming first year students to the many exciting student-run groups at the university, successfully conveyed everything they … Continue reading “Fairfield In Focus” Gives Incoming First Years A Taste of Zoom

‘Godzilla vs. Kong’ Review: Not Enough Human Drama

By Marvin Irwin Pretentious. Intellectual. A Bore. All of the phrases I have just listed perfectly sum up the film “Godzilla vs. Kong.” Never before have we seen such a disconnect between what the audience craves and what a director gives to us.  My whole awful experience of viewing this movie began as I made … Continue reading ‘Godzilla vs. Kong’ Review: Not Enough Human Drama

Fairfield Priest Demands to Know What ‘Updog’ Is

By Nathan Schmidt Students were unsettled this week when Jesuit priest Rube Marky was spotted wandering campus and asking students what ‘Updog’ is. The priest, known affectionately to the student body as Father “Total” Rube, went from Jogues to Faber asking this same question over and over again: What exactly is this ‘Updog’ everyone is … Continue reading Fairfield Priest Demands to Know What ‘Updog’ Is