Lucas the Stag Excommunicated

By Nathan Schmidt Tragedy and scandal struck Fairfield University this week when its beloved mascot, Lucas the Stag, was excommunicated by the Vatican. The Jesuit university, which has long-held close ties to the Roman Catholic Church, has held Lucas as a lovable ideal of sportsmanship and loyalty, but an investigation by the Church revealed that … Continue reading Lucas the Stag Excommunicated

Campus Ministry Announces New Service Trip to Hunt and Kill the Antichrist

By Nathan Schmidt This week, Campus Ministry announced the creation of a new international service immersion trip designed to give Fairfield students the opportunity to hunt down and kill the Antichrist. The seven-day program, which will take students through key suspect locations in Rome and the Holy Land, will combine elements from Jesuit service learning, … Continue reading Campus Ministry Announces New Service Trip to Hunt and Kill the Antichrist

Crime Feat: Week of 10/8

Friday, 10/12 7:09 p.m.—A student was denied entry to Red Sea Madness due to being overly excited about the pep rally. 11:07 p.m.—Students walking to the townhouses were crossing the street on McInnes Road when a black SUV turned out of the BCC parking lot. One student screamed 'pay my tuition' and rammed themselves into … Continue reading Crime Feat: Week of 10/8

Female “Chemistry Student” Burned as Witch

By Trevor MacDonnell Fairfield is a proud Jesuit campus and always has been. Our Christian values is what drives the heart and core of this school. We have our buildings named after saints, multiple masses held throughout the day, and even feasts on holy days. Dating back all the way to the 1400’s to the Puritans … Continue reading Female “Chemistry Student” Burned as Witch

Naive Commuting Student Horrified by Stories of Residence Hall Life

By Nathan Schmidt A naive, wide-eyed commuting student was utterly horrified this week after hearing about the realities faced by those living in the residence halls. Sean Wimbledon ‘22, a freshman whose deepest taste of Fairfield University is the required events on campus for First Year Experience, listened in a mix of wondering awe and … Continue reading Naive Commuting Student Horrified by Stories of Residence Hall Life

Brave Student Makes the Arduous Journey to McAuliffe Hall Twice a Week

By Katherine Klima FAIRFIELD, CT– Bravery and sheer stupidity are two things Fairfield University freshman, Joe King, is not unfamiliar with. “I’ve been stirring up trouble for as long as I could remember,” said King in an exclusive interview. “I think that’s why I was so interested in the challenge.” King is one of few … Continue reading Brave Student Makes the Arduous Journey to McAuliffe Hall Twice a Week

Crime Feat: Week of 10/1

Monday, 10/1 10:35 p.m.—DPS officers found a student had converted a papaya into a smoking device in Regis Hall. The student was referred to student conduct after a DPS officer asked how he did it and if it mattered what fruit he used. Thursday, 10/4 7:29 p.m.—A Fairfield Prep student went in LLBCC room 202 … Continue reading Crime Feat: Week of 10/1

FUSA Cancelling Campus Activities Budget in Favor of Monorail

By Trevor MacDonnell FUSA has taken to making budget cuts in lieu of excessive spending last semester. With programs running rampant with expenses, it seems on-campus activities will be the main victim of these cuts. An anonymous source in FUSA has stated that Pres Ball may be one of the larger events that is cut … Continue reading FUSA Cancelling Campus Activities Budget in Favor of Monorail

BREAKING: Dakota Needs Therapy Human

By Nathan Schmidt Fairfield University’s emotional support dog Dakota, located in Canisius Hall, has begun seeking treatment from a qualified therapy human after being burned out by the constant despair of her student visitors. Dakota, who has served the needs of students at the university since 2015, has finally been pushed to a breaking point of … Continue reading BREAKING: Dakota Needs Therapy Human

Crime Feat: Week of 9/24

Tuesday, 9/25 2:25 p.m.—A student reported to DPS that his cocaine delivery was stolen from the mailroom. He reports that after receiving an email about his package and bringing his package slip to the mailroom, the mailroom personnel denied having received his delivery. All mailroom personnel are currently being questioned. Anyone with information is encouraged to … Continue reading Crime Feat: Week of 9/24