Students Expelled For Breathing in the Library 

By Rosemary Harper 26 students have been permanently expelled from Fairfield U after breathing in the library- causing excruciating  noise levels of 10db. Norah Noravnovski, head librarian and head of 0 db maintenance, was admitted to the hospital for ruptured eardrums after a sharp increase in noise from zero to 10 db levels that lasted … Continue reading Students Expelled For Breathing in the Library 

First Year Film Students Help Accelerate Demolition of Alumni Hall

By Rosemary Harper This Monday marked the beginning of construction for Fairfield U’s new Convocation Center and the demolition of our beloved airplane hangar, formerly known as Alumni Hall. The hyped up deconstruction of the old facility has left students less than excited to say the least, as many members of the Fairfield community were … Continue reading First Year Film Students Help Accelerate Demolition of Alumni Hall

Fairfield Temporary Ice Rink Rebranded as “State of the Art Ankle Workout”

By Rosemary Harper This semester Fairfield University has generously supplied the student body with a temporary 1 ½ month ice skating rink located on the Campion basketball courts. Because of budget and the time of year, the rink is obviously plastic with a lubricant coating on top. Unfortunately because the “ice” makes it nearly impossible … Continue reading Fairfield Temporary Ice Rink Rebranded as “State of the Art Ankle Workout”

Counseling and Psychological Services Reports High Volume of Calls During 10 Hour University wide Wi-Fi outage

By Rosemary Harper This week, Fairfield U’s Counseling and Psychological Services reported a sharp increase in the number of calls received during the campus wide power outage last month on February 12th. Within the report, it was noted that the main source of the increase was from students unsure of how to deal with their … Continue reading Counseling and Psychological Services Reports High Volume of Calls During 10 Hour University wide Wi-Fi outage

New Job Opening: Driving the COVID Cart

By Rosemary Harper Fairfield University's Department of Public Safety has recently posted a job opening for students to drive the cart that shuttles students to and from the old Dolan School of Business, where those with positive cases are quarantined for a 14-day period. All students are eligible to apply for this position, regardless of … Continue reading New Job Opening: Driving the COVID Cart

First Year Student Declares Himself FUSA President

By Rosemary Harper 2020 is full of unprecedented situations and circumstances- and we here at Fairfield University have just been smacked in the face with another one. As the molasses of the 2020 Presidential Election continues to take its sweet, sweet time, first year student Brett Jarrods '24 has decided to follow Donald Trump’s example … Continue reading First Year Student Declares Himself FUSA President

University Announces “Ultra-Flexible” Course Model for Spring 2021

By Rosemary Harper This fall, Fairfield U has had to adapt its curriculum to the COVID-19 pandemic. As a result, we’ve had confusing new terms thrown at us this year like “hybrid,” “online,” and “the mute button,” which are much more difficult to understand than things from the peachy, virus-free days. As it has become … Continue reading University Announces “Ultra-Flexible” Course Model for Spring 2021

Study Reveals Turkey’s Beards are Reason for Their Brazen Nature

By Rosemary Harper Turkeys are a common sight around the Fairfield U campus. They are fearless and they don’t give a shit. You have probably wondered where this brazen nature of theirs comes from, as we at Stagnation have asked time and time again. Well folks, strap in and hold on to your hats because … Continue reading Study Reveals Turkey’s Beards are Reason for Their Brazen Nature

Curfew Moved to 12 Noon

By Rosemary Harper Like all other higher education institutions around the country, Fairfield U has been battling the COVID 19 pandemic. This semester, new and returning students were sensibly slapped with a wide range of COVID-safe guidelines to follow, ranging from mandatory mask wearing and social distancing to limiting the number of students allowed in … Continue reading Curfew Moved to 12 Noon

Coronacation: Turkeys Rejoice As They Successfully Conquer Campus Without Opposition

By Rosemary Harper Alas, the day we have feared for so many months. Due to the statewide lockdown and subsequent school closure, the turkeys — those little shits that torment us on a daily basis — have taken over Fairfield University. And they did it with ease. Once the week after spring break began, they … Continue reading Coronacation: Turkeys Rejoice As They Successfully Conquer Campus Without Opposition