Pagan Cult Discovered in Dolan House

By Nathan Schmidt Scandal embroiled Fairfield University this week when a pagan cult was discovered operating out of Dolan House. The venerable building, traditionally the home of the Murphy Center for Ignatian Spirituality, was found to be the operating site of a cabal of students and faculty performing bloody animal sacrifice and mystical polytheistic worship. … Continue reading Pagan Cult Discovered in Dolan House

Faculty Member Wistfully Recalls Time When Jesuit Institutions Didn’t Have Snow Days

By Nathan Schmidt This week, Fairfield professor Wilson Schumacher spoke out about an earlier, better era when Jesuit institutions were held to a higher work ethic. The lengthy tirade took place shortly after the recent cancellation of classes on March 4th due to snowfall throughout the night before. Schumacher, who is a full professor in … Continue reading Faculty Member Wistfully Recalls Time When Jesuit Institutions Didn’t Have Snow Days

Donnarumma Ranked Most Prison-Like Building on Campus

By Nathan Schmidt In this year’s annual survey by the Office of Residence Life, students selected Donnarumma Hall as the most prison-like of all the buildings on campus. The vote came in an overwhelming landslide, with 92 percent of participating students singling out the building for its patently oppressive and generally unpleasant design. “I’m simultaneously … Continue reading Donnarumma Ranked Most Prison-Like Building on Campus

BRO Facebook Group Needs to Get it Together

By EEC I don’t know about you, but I am sick and tired of seeing pictures of cars in the Class of 2019 BRO Facebook page. If these pictures won’t stop, then at least let’s add some variety. To that end, here is a list of suggestions of pictures to post to liven up the … Continue reading BRO Facebook Group Needs to Get it Together

Shelled Eggs, Chaos on the Menu at the Tully

By EEC Thomas, class of 2021, woke up feeling groggy before his 9:30 a.m. class on Monday morning, but when he arrived at the Tully Dining Hall for a quick bite, his eyes lit up and he knew it was going to be a great day. Why? Because at the “do-it-yourself” station, there were eggs. … Continue reading Shelled Eggs, Chaos on the Menu at the Tully

That Guy is Still in the Library

By Nathan Schmidt Students returning to Fairfield University for the spring semester were shocked to find that the mysterious guy from the end of last semester is still in the library. The middle-aged man, who has not spoken to anyone else in the library and seems oblivious to the existence of all other human beings, … Continue reading That Guy is Still in the Library

New Shipment of Lazy Students Arrives Just In Time to Crowd the Entire Library During Finals

By Villenueve With the onset of finals, the biannual stampede of students to the library is happening once again. While the library is all but empty for most of the semester until the middle of finals, there will be about 8 square inches of free surface area total on the library floor, due to the … Continue reading New Shipment of Lazy Students Arrives Just In Time to Crowd the Entire Library During Finals

Mysterious Man Has Been in Library for Ages

By Nathan Schmidt An unidentified man has been sighted in Fairfield University’s DiMenna-Nyselius Library every day for at least one week straight. Students have reacted with a mix of consternation and bewilderment, since the man doesn’t seem to do anything, and since he’s there all the time without exception. The nameless visitor has been likened … Continue reading Mysterious Man Has Been in Library for Ages

Stag Spirit Shop Begins Selling Vodka Blankets Alongside Real Blankets

By Nathan Schmidt This month, the Stag Spirit Shop will begin helping students with life on campus by selling vodka blankets along with the regular cloth blankets. As fall turns to winter and the temperature drops outside, the one-stop shop for many resident students always becomes a prime resource for items related to the cold. … Continue reading Stag Spirit Shop Begins Selling Vodka Blankets Alongside Real Blankets

Freshman Makes It Known He’s Working Out by Grunting Loudly

By Nathan Schmidt A freshman student has perfected the art of grunting loudly during weight training to let everyone know he’s working out. Brett Igmalio ‘22, who is studying in the School of Business and proudly wears a bright yellow power tie with his tailored blazer at social functions, makes it vocally clear to all … Continue reading Freshman Makes It Known He’s Working Out by Grunting Loudly