By Nathan Schmidt This past weekend, attendance of church services at the Egan Chapel on Fairfield campus increased to over ten times its usual number. As with such occasions as Christmas and Easter, numerous lay people who otherwise avoid church are compelled to attend during this span of time. But in this current case, the … Continue reading Church Attendance Increases Tenfold on Weekend After Midterms
Month: October 2018
B or F? Professor’s Totally Fucked Handwriting Sparks Campus-Wide Debate
By Ellie Conklin FAIRFIELD, CT — It’s been a stressful week for junior Andrew Courtney. After hours of pretending to study, while stopping intermittently to watch the World Series highlights and to take hits out of his Snoopy-shaped bong, he completed his twelve-page midterm exam in his 300-level English class, American Internet Poetry in the … Continue reading B or F? Professor’s Totally Fucked Handwriting Sparks Campus-Wide Debate
Fairfield Needs a Lettuce Club
By Trevor MacDonnell Lettuce? What is it good for? Absolutely everything. You can wear it as a hat. You can use it to wipe your ass. You can use it lure out guinea pigs. You can even, surprise, eat it. It is my opinion, as this is an opinion piece, that lettuce is worth its … Continue reading Fairfield Needs a Lettuce Club
University’s Construction Company Donates Abstract Outdoor Art from Scrap Metal
By Nathan Schmidt This fall, the many construction projects that have taken place on campus will be complemented by a new generation of art from construction by-products. Gilbane Building Company, which is currently engaged in constructing the new Dolan School of Business nearby the DiMenna-Nyselius Library, has pledged to use its unused metal scrap to … Continue reading University’s Construction Company Donates Abstract Outdoor Art from Scrap Metal
Lucas the Stag Excommunicated
By Nathan Schmidt Tragedy and scandal struck Fairfield University this week when its beloved mascot, Lucas the Stag, was excommunicated by the Vatican. The Jesuit university, which has long-held close ties to the Roman Catholic Church, has held Lucas as a lovable ideal of sportsmanship and loyalty, but an investigation by the Church revealed that … Continue reading Lucas the Stag Excommunicated
Peer-Reviewed Studies Show Putin’s Smirk is Growing Wider Over Time
By Diogenes Recent scientific studies have demonstrated what seems to be the early development of a startling trend. Vladimir Putin, President of the Russian Federation, well-known for demonstrating a smug grin while formulating mischievous plans for global wrongdoing, perhaps has been becoming more devious and sly over time. Deeply concerning empirical studies on the width of … Continue reading Peer-Reviewed Studies Show Putin’s Smirk is Growing Wider Over Time
Campus Ministry Announces New Service Trip to Hunt and Kill the Antichrist
By Nathan Schmidt This week, Campus Ministry announced the creation of a new international service immersion trip designed to give Fairfield students the opportunity to hunt down and kill the Antichrist. The seven-day program, which will take students through key suspect locations in Rome and the Holy Land, will combine elements from Jesuit service learning, … Continue reading Campus Ministry Announces New Service Trip to Hunt and Kill the Antichrist
Crime Feat: Week of 10/8
Friday, 10/12 7:09 p.m.—A student was denied entry to Red Sea Madness due to being overly excited about the pep rally. 11:07 p.m.—Students walking to the townhouses were crossing the street on McInnes Road when a black SUV turned out of the BCC parking lot. One student screamed 'pay my tuition' and rammed themselves into … Continue reading Crime Feat: Week of 10/8
Female “Chemistry Student” Burned as Witch
By Trevor MacDonnell Fairfield is a proud Jesuit campus and always has been. Our Christian values is what drives the heart and core of this school. We have our buildings named after saints, multiple masses held throughout the day, and even feasts on holy days. Dating back all the way to the 1400’s to the Puritans … Continue reading Female “Chemistry Student” Burned as Witch
Naive Commuting Student Horrified by Stories of Residence Hall Life
By Nathan Schmidt A naive, wide-eyed commuting student was utterly horrified this week after hearing about the realities faced by those living in the residence halls. Sean Wimbledon ‘22, a freshman whose deepest taste of Fairfield University is the required events on campus for First Year Experience, listened in a mix of wondering awe and … Continue reading Naive Commuting Student Horrified by Stories of Residence Hall Life
Stagnation 