B or F? Professor’s Totally Fucked Handwriting Sparks Campus-Wide Debate

By Ellie Conklin FAIRFIELD, CT — It’s been a stressful week for junior Andrew Courtney. After hours of pretending to study, while stopping intermittently to watch the World Series highlights and to take hits out of his Snoopy-shaped bong, he completed his twelve-page midterm exam in his 300-level English class, American Internet Poetry in the … Continue reading B or F? Professor’s Totally Fucked Handwriting Sparks Campus-Wide Debate

Accomplished Professor Foiled Yet Again by Youtube Autoplay

By Ellie Conklin FAIRFIELD, CT – “Good time management” and “full understanding of the medium” are two requirements for students’ midterm presentations in Dr. Sonya Gupta’s English class, but she has yet to master these skills herself. According to her students, Gupta wastes an extraordinary amount of class time attempting to conquer Youtube’s irritating autoplay … Continue reading Accomplished Professor Foiled Yet Again by Youtube Autoplay

Freshman Totally Has, Like, the Worst Roommate Ever

By Ellie Conklin Freshman year is hard for everyone but Kayla Simpkins, 18, is sure that she is suffering more than everyone else at Fairfield. Kayla, a nursing major from New Jersey, is slowly coming to terms with those age-old feelings of pent-up resentment and lack of much-needed alone time with which every upperclassman is … Continue reading Freshman Totally Has, Like, the Worst Roommate Ever

Cool Kids Abandon Tide Pods to Start Vaping Detergent

By Ellie Conklin Move over, Tide Pods! A new fad is all the rage at local high schools, and it combines all the things that Gen-Z loves—namely, unnecessary electronic versions of normal items and doing something incredibly dangerous for Instagram likes. That’s right—the kids are vaping liquid detergent. Jackson Carr, a junior on the Fairfield … Continue reading Cool Kids Abandon Tide Pods to Start Vaping Detergent

Area Man Continues to Wear Shorts Well into Winter to Affirm His Fragile Masculinity

By Ellie Conklin FAIRFIELD, CT — For Nick McKenzie, 19, the possibility of six more weeks of winter means nothing. The college sophomore continues to compete for an award that no one else is trying to win. McKenzie has been wearing the same pair of sweaty Reebok gym shorts for 28 weeks now, stopping only … Continue reading Area Man Continues to Wear Shorts Well into Winter to Affirm His Fragile Masculinity