Area Man Continues to Wear Shorts Well into Winter to Affirm His Fragile Masculinity

By Ellie Conklin

FAIRFIELD, CT — For Nick McKenzie, 19, the possibility of six more weeks of winter means nothing. The college sophomore continues to compete for an award that no one else is trying to win. McKenzie has been wearing the same pair of sweaty Reebok gym shorts for 28 weeks now, stopping only to wash them after his roommates complain about the smell. Despite the freezing temperatures, he shows no signs of changing his ways. “I’m from northern Mass, so I really know what freezing is. This basic cold front is nothing,” McKenzie tells us. When he was asked if he is trying to prove something, he smarmily brushed off the question: “I guess I’m just not affected by the cold. I see people wearing snow boots and hats and stuff, and it’s like, ‘Dude, chill. It’s only 14 degrees out.’ I guess that kind of stuff doesn’t bother me. I’m built differently,” which he followed with a hacking cough, the contents of which he spat onto the ground.

According to the on-campus health center, McKenzie is starting to develop signs of the flu and frostbite, but he tells us: “Nah, I’m not really worried about it.”

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