Open Season on Prep Students

By Sabina Dirienzo

The Fairfield University Student Association (FUSA) announced today that open season has begun on students attending Fairfield Preparatory. The University’s athletic teams have begun their organized hunting parties of prep students, with Fairfield Lacrosse being the first to bag a student.

“He was only a freshman, though,” said Fairfield lacrosse captain Jack Spiller ’18, “So I’m not going to hang the trophy on my wall, or anything.”

Preparatory students can be spotted traveling in packs, with the weakest occasionally being packed off by the groups of hunting students. Preparatory student Alex Marks commented on the hunt.

“It’s just, you know, natural selection,” he said, “And I’m going to Fairfield next year, so I can’t wait to hunt a student or two next year.”

At press time, Marks had nearly been tagged by the basketball team, but escaped after they refused to follow him into an academic building.

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