COSO loses thousands after bad Super Bowl Bet; General Fee hike expected

By Pete Peterson If only Elon Musk was the President of COSO.  Over the weekend, as millions mourned yet another Tom Brady Super Bowl win, COSO was doing what it does best: be terrible with money.  The Federal Reserve of Fairfield University Clubs placed a hefty bet on the Super Bowl, wagering the budgets of … Continue reading COSO loses thousands after bad Super Bowl Bet; General Fee hike expected

Fairfield Students Form New ‘TSA’ Club: Turkey-Student Alliance

April Griffin A new club has made its way to Fairfield's vast array of extracurriculars: the Turkey-Student Alliance club. Founder Jimmy Gallagher says he created the club to make the turkeys feel welcomed on Fairfield's campus. "In my three years at Fairfield so far, I have not once seen anyone be nice to the turkeys," … Continue reading Fairfield Students Form New ‘TSA’ Club: Turkey-Student Alliance

First Year Student Declares Himself FUSA President

By Rosemary Harper 2020 is full of unprecedented situations and circumstances- and we here at Fairfield University have just been smacked in the face with another one. As the molasses of the 2020 Presidential Election continues to take its sweet, sweet time, first year student Brett Jarrods '24 has decided to follow Donald Trump’s example … Continue reading First Year Student Declares Himself FUSA President

Fairfield University Attempts Anime Brand; Accidentally Creates Hentai

By Freddie “Quickie” Mercurium A decision by the FUSA Senate called for Fairfield University to better brand itself as an inclusive university by appealing to the Anime Club. Putting an art group to the task, they were instructed to making anime pieces centered on-campus life. Unfortunately, some students in the group decided to take extra … Continue reading Fairfield University Attempts Anime Brand; Accidentally Creates Hentai

Coronacation: White House Asks For Its Covid-19 Response To Be Graded On Pass/Fail

By Nathan Schmidt Yesterday, President Donald J. Trump’s latest press briefing took a turn for the academic when he asked that his administration’s response to the Covid-19 pandemic be graded on a pass/fail basis. The news came as deaths from the virus exceeded 14,000 in the United States, and as outbreaks began growing rapidly in … Continue reading Coronacation: White House Asks For Its Covid-19 Response To Be Graded On Pass/Fail

Doe Single-Handedly Takes On The FUSA Council; Wins By Landslide

Freddie “Quickie” Mercurium During the FUSA Presidential Election, a third-party candidate was quickly entered into the polls. Known only as Doe, many assumed this to be a surprise anonymous candidate. By some miracle, Doe won, only for many students to be confused by the arrival of an actual doe when brought in. Wearing a new … Continue reading Doe Single-Handedly Takes On The FUSA Council; Wins By Landslide

FUSA Senate Overthrown by Dictatorship

By Nathan Schmidt The last FUSA Senate meeting, held just a week ago, may well go down as the last FUSA Senate meeting. What began as an ordinary evening of procedure and protocol ended in fire and zealotry, as the entire student government body was disbanded in favor of a one-man dictatorship. Nicholas Kyle Copenhagen … Continue reading FUSA Senate Overthrown by Dictatorship

University Outsources Management of Record-Breaking Snowfall to Students

By Rosemary Harper Last Tuesday, Fairfield encountered a massive blizzard that buried the entire northeastern region in snow for three days. Everything in town was shut down, thousands of homes lost power and road conditions were impossible. Winter storm Hades (named after the ancient Greek god of hell) was determined to be the worst storm … Continue reading University Outsources Management of Record-Breaking Snowfall to Students

Mr. Macabre’s Hall of Happiness – The Beauty of Nothing

Michael Atkins A new exhibit was opened in a new wing of Loyola Hall, dubbed “Mr. Macabre’s Hall of Happiness”. The contributor seems to have been under the name “Mason Macabre,” funding completely all of its construction. Given free admission for a review, I entered the hall with a positive fight. Entering the pitch-black painted … Continue reading Mr. Macabre’s Hall of Happiness – The Beauty of Nothing

FUSA Senate Authorizes the Purge

By Akaky Akakievich I am writing again with some grave news, comrades. The FUSA Senate has issued a chilling statement that reminds me of home in all of the wrong ways. With a unanimous vote, the Senate agreed to enact an annual purge on all of the students at Fairfield University. On Thursday, October 31st, … Continue reading FUSA Senate Authorizes the Purge