Fairfield University Attempts Anime Brand; Accidentally Creates Hentai

By Freddie “Quickie” Mercurium

A decision by the FUSA Senate called for Fairfield University to better brand itself as an inclusive university by appealing to the Anime Club. Putting an art group to the task, they were instructed to making anime pieces centered on-campus life. Unfortunately, some students in the group decided to take extra liberties with what qualified as anime.

The individuals designed and published at least 12 boxes worth of scandalous art of Lucas the Stag as “a cute anime girl”, as described by artist ‘23 Jacob Hooves. The university and FUSA has worked together to confiscate the material that went against the University’s Jesuit values.

“I keep telling them, it’s an art,” ‘22 Nigel Yolehaun stated, “I wanted to see cute stag characters on campus and not seem weird about it.“

The University reports that they have recovered at least 5 boxes worth of the “stag girl” paraphernalia, in which the rest of the works have yet to be recovered. The most recent confiscation came from a turkey wandering with one in its mouth. DPS has been instructed to interrogate the wildlife as well as the students for the whereabouts of Stag Girl works.

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