Stagnation Editor-in-Chief Resigns After Realizing He Never Used A Pseudonym

By Nathan Schmidt Bad news, everybody. I’ve made a terrible mistake. We go with the flow at this club. It happens that most Stagnation writers use a pseudonym of some kind to protect their identities as satire writers, generally from future employers and their own family members. I assumed, over the past three academic years … Continue reading Stagnation Editor-in-Chief Resigns After Realizing He Never Used A Pseudonym

CIA Helps University Officials Take People Off-Campus For Summer Closing

By Marvin Irwin It’s that time of the year again. The birds are chirping, the sun is shining, and the allergy sufferers are sneezing. You know what that means. The University wants you to get the hell out of your room, like yesterday. Fairfield has begun its semesterly barrage of emails. Each one begging you … Continue reading CIA Helps University Officials Take People Off-Campus For Summer Closing

Chapel Replaces Communion Wine with Vodka and Grape Fanta

By Pete Peterson Businesses have struggled since the pandemic began last March, and not even churches could escape the crash. Although the Catholics have mostly avoided any new child-fondling instances, the Pope was forced to make business decisions to turn the stock back in the direction of the big man upstairs (and Gamestop). Stagnation talked … Continue reading Chapel Replaces Communion Wine with Vodka and Grape Fanta