By Nathan Schmidt Bad news, everybody. I’ve made a terrible mistake. We go with the flow at this club. It happens that most Stagnation writers use a pseudonym of some kind to protect their identities as satire writers, generally from future employers and their own family members. I assumed, over the past three academic years … Continue reading Stagnation Editor-in-Chief Resigns After Realizing He Never Used A Pseudonym
Tag: Nathan Schmidt
FUSA Constitution Rewritten to Ban “Un-Stag-Like” Speech
By Nathan Schmidt This week, an anonymous Stagnation reporter uncovered provisions in the new FUSA Constitution to ban what it describes as “un-Stag-like” speech. The constitutional document, which was rewritten this semester and ratified last month, bans any speech, writing or body language on campus that contradicts “Stag spirit, Jesuit values, or good ideas from … Continue reading FUSA Constitution Rewritten to Ban “Un-Stag-Like” Speech
“Fairfield In Focus” Gives Incoming First Years A Taste of Zoom
By Nathan Schmidt Last week, Fairfield University clubs participated in the second of the semester’s two Fairfield In Focus events — not on campus, of course, but over Zoom. The online-only quarantine-safe events, which were designed to introduce incoming first year students to the many exciting student-run groups at the university, successfully conveyed everything they … Continue reading “Fairfield In Focus” Gives Incoming First Years A Taste of Zoom
Fairfield Priest Demands to Know What ‘Updog’ Is
By Nathan Schmidt Students were unsettled this week when Jesuit priest Rube Marky was spotted wandering campus and asking students what ‘Updog’ is. The priest, known affectionately to the student body as Father “Total” Rube, went from Jogues to Faber asking this same question over and over again: What exactly is this ‘Updog’ everyone is … Continue reading Fairfield Priest Demands to Know What ‘Updog’ Is
Student Tour Ambassador Hypes Up Fairfield’s Pokémon Go Scene
By Nathan Schmidt In the era of Covid-19, in-person tours of Fairfield campus are a thing of the past. But student tour ambassador Raymond Shampi ‘21 has found a new and revolutionary way to attract new prospective students online to Fairfield University: advertising the campus’ offerings in Pokémon Go. “There are so many more gyms … Continue reading Student Tour Ambassador Hypes Up Fairfield’s Pokémon Go Scene
SEO Expert Makes Stagnation 1st Place on All Google Searches
By Nathan Schmidt My friends, we have made it. We have struck gold. Last week, Stagnation was approached by a talented SEO expert looking for work. Although their name is Kathy, we will keep them anonymous in this article. By revamping Stagnation’s website design and fixing our metadata using legitimate techniques, we have achieved the … Continue reading SEO Expert Makes Stagnation 1st Place on All Google Searches
Virtual Classes Collapse Black Market for Dry-Erase Markers
By Nathan Schmidt An investigative report by Stagnation over the last six months has revealed economic ruination in Fairfield University’s black market for dry-erase markers. With students moving online for some or all of their classes, the once-thriving illicit trade for the Expo brand markers has become the latest casualty of the COVID-19 pandemic. The … Continue reading Virtual Classes Collapse Black Market for Dry-Erase Markers
Top 5 Ways To Be Guaranteed A Write-In
By Nathan Schmidt If you’re preparing for the fall 2021 semester, you may have your eye on some competitive courses. But how can you be sure to get into that perfect Anthropology for Dummies course when so many other students want the same thing? The answer is to ask the professor for a write-in. Follow … Continue reading Top 5 Ways To Be Guaranteed A Write-In
FUSA Sustainability Initiative Plans to Remove Giant Pile of Burning Trash from Campus
By Nathan Schmidt On March 2nd, the FUSA Environmental Sustainability Meeting led to a wild success as students resolved to get rid of the giant pile of burning trash on Fairfield campus. The meeting, held over Zoom by concerned members of the student body, allowed many students to raise valid concerns about the university’s environmental … Continue reading FUSA Sustainability Initiative Plans to Remove Giant Pile of Burning Trash from Campus
Applied Ethics Students Contemplate Morality of Syllabus
By Nathan Schmidt This week, students in an Applied Ethics course decided collectively to write about the morality of the course’s syllabus for their upcoming midterm assignment. The course, AETH 20139 Ethics of Party Fouls, is a new highly flexible course where students are able to do whatever they want as long as they do … Continue reading Applied Ethics Students Contemplate Morality of Syllabus
Stagnation 