Fairfield Priest Demands to Know What ‘Updog’ Is

By Nathan Schmidt Students were unsettled this week when Jesuit priest Rube Marky was spotted wandering campus and asking students what ‘Updog’ is. The priest, known affectionately to the student body as Father “Total” Rube, went from Jogues to Faber asking this same question over and over again: What exactly is this ‘Updog’ everyone is … Continue reading Fairfield Priest Demands to Know What ‘Updog’ Is

SEO Expert Makes Stagnation 1st Place on All Google Searches

By Nathan Schmidt My friends, we have made it. We have struck gold. Last week, Stagnation was approached by a talented SEO expert looking for work. Although their name is Kathy, we will keep them anonymous in this article. By revamping Stagnation’s website design and fixing our metadata using legitimate techniques, we have achieved the … Continue reading SEO Expert Makes Stagnation 1st Place on All Google Searches

The Tragedy of Darth Binks the Wise

By Connor O’Rourke Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Binks the Wise? It’s not a story the Jedi would tell you. It’s a Sith legend. Darth Binks was once a wise, yet despised evil mastermind whose foolish behaviour and dimwitted demeanour would lead you to think he wasn’t a Sith Lord. Binks was … Continue reading The Tragedy of Darth Binks the Wise

University Has Updated Its Privacy Policy, Bathroom Stalls and Curtains Removed

By Mike Wishart You may have seen a bit more of your neighbors than you planned in the past few days. That’s likely because the university has updated its privacy policy, and as a result all bathroom stalls, shower/window curtains, and doors on campus have been removed. In addition, surveillance cameras have been placed in … Continue reading University Has Updated Its Privacy Policy, Bathroom Stalls and Curtains Removed

Mr. Macabre’s Hall of Happiness – The Beauty of Nothing

Michael Atkins A new exhibit was opened in a new wing of Loyola Hall, dubbed “Mr. Macabre’s Hall of Happiness”. The contributor seems to have been under the name “Mason Macabre,” funding completely all of its construction. Given free admission for a review, I entered the hall with a positive fight. Entering the pitch-black painted … Continue reading Mr. Macabre’s Hall of Happiness – The Beauty of Nothing

Masked Prankster Drops Tide Pods into People’s Water Bottles

By Chase Galloway The laundry room is always total ass. There is always some dryer not working and like, 99 minutes racked up on it. And most of the washers either have a bunch of finished clothes just sitting there or a bunch of loose coins and other shit sitting in the back of the … Continue reading Masked Prankster Drops Tide Pods into People’s Water Bottles

University Study Finds That “It Do Be Like That Sometimes”

By Pete Peterson A new study released by a Fairfield University research team this past Monday has found concrete evidence that “It Do Be Like That Sometimes.”  This is after a controversial argument began years ago, when an epidemic broke out across the internet. Millions of users began discussing how “It be like that sometimes,” … Continue reading University Study Finds That “It Do Be Like That Sometimes”

RIP, Juul: Now I Have to Go Back to Tide Pods

By the Guy in the Blue Scarf BREAKING NEWS! Juul is banned. Absolute pandemonium has set in all over campus. Students are seemingly breaking at the seams as the ban on Juul has triggered powerful withdrawal symptoms. They can be seen frantically scratching themselves to bone and many have reported debilitating chills.  Responses to the … Continue reading RIP, Juul: Now I Have to Go Back to Tide Pods