Prep Kid Found Frozen in Stag Snack Bar

By the Guy in the Blue Scarf Harrowing scene in the Stag this morning as it appears that a Fairfield Prep student has been petrified. Witnesses say that the high school freshman was standing in line to order his food when a female university student came in. The freshman looked at the girl and then … Continue reading Prep Kid Found Frozen in Stag Snack Bar

PETA Enraged by Salmon Shorts

By the Guy in the Blue Scarf Campus PETA advocates gathered today in the Bellarmine Pond to protest the production and wearing of salmon shorts. The animal rights chapter says that millions of salmon are killed every year to produce the popular wardrobe staple. They said that salmon should be left alone in water to … Continue reading PETA Enraged by Salmon Shorts

FUSA Senate Denies the Existence of Friday

By the Guy in the Blue Scarf Wednesday’s FUSA Senate meeting ended with a surprising result as they voted down a proposal to recognize the calendar day of Friday. In the unanimous vote, FUSA Senators said that “Since our decisions are the most important and our say is absolute we have the power to decide … Continue reading FUSA Senate Denies the Existence of Friday

RIP, Juul: Now I Have to Go Back to Tide Pods

By the Guy in the Blue Scarf BREAKING NEWS! Juul is banned. Absolute pandemonium has set in all over campus. Students are seemingly breaking at the seams as the ban on Juul has triggered powerful withdrawal symptoms. They can be seen frantically scratching themselves to bone and many have reported debilitating chills.  Responses to the … Continue reading RIP, Juul: Now I Have to Go Back to Tide Pods