Fairfield Prep Student Discovers Terrifying Secret at Turkey Burial Ground

By Frederick "Quickie" Mercurium THE LEVEE - Fairfield Prep student Josiah “Joey” Joseph made a startling discovery upon walking around the back of the Levy. An undead turkey had been limping around searching for any worms, only finding maggots that had dropped off its own body. “I was only looking for the bathroom,” said Joseph, … Continue reading Fairfield Prep Student Discovers Terrifying Secret at Turkey Burial Ground

Fake Levee Decoy Built to Keep the Prep Kids Away

By Nathan Schmidt This spring, Fairfield University has announced plans to “reclaim the campus” by replacing the Levee snack bar with a fake decoy for Fairfield Prep students. The small building, located across Loyola Drive from the RecPlex, is traditionally ignored by the student body of Fairfield because of its overwhelmingly teenage clientele. And for … Continue reading Fake Levee Decoy Built to Keep the Prep Kids Away

Inkwell Open Mic at Levee Derailed by Prep Student Attack

By Nathan Schmidt Last Friday, Fairfield’s creative writing magazine The Inkwell attempted to hold an open mic night at the Levee, only for it to be derailed by a swarm of Fairfield Prep students. The much-hyped event was expected to bring together students from The Inkwell and Performing for Change in a showcase of Fairfield’s … Continue reading Inkwell Open Mic at Levee Derailed by Prep Student Attack

Prep Kid Found Frozen in Stag Snack Bar

By the Guy in the Blue Scarf Harrowing scene in the Stag this morning as it appears that a Fairfield Prep student has been petrified. Witnesses say that the high school freshman was standing in line to order his food when a female university student came in. The freshman looked at the girl and then … Continue reading Prep Kid Found Frozen in Stag Snack Bar

Prepocalypse: Fiery Stag Appears in Sky as Teenagers Flood Campus

By Nathan Schmidt The end was nigh this week. On Thursday afternoon, terror gripped Fairfield University when the floodgates of Hell opened on campus, sending forth a dark, fiery and monstrous manifestation of Lucas the Stag upon the horizon. The dark creature’s silhouette reared over North Benson Road, flames emanating from its unholy antlers, and … Continue reading Prepocalypse: Fiery Stag Appears in Sky as Teenagers Flood Campus