By Nathan Schmidt
Last Friday, Fairfield’s creative writing magazine The Inkwell attempted to hold an open mic night at the Levee, only for it to be derailed by a swarm of Fairfield Prep students. The much-hyped event was expected to bring together students from The Inkwell and Performing for Change in a showcase of Fairfield’s creative literary talent, but when participants and audience members arrived at the Levee, they were immediately attacked.
The prep students’ assault was swift, brutal, and unrelenting. Teenage boys in formal clothing poured in through the front and side doors of the Levee, clamoring for single slices of pizza and asking Fairfield resident students what it’s like to live on campus. All of the undergraduate students were forced to make a hasty retreat, speed-walking away while making as little eye contact as possible.
Stagnation reporters interviewed Inkwell writer Domingo Fausteen ‘22 shortly after the disastrous incident. “I had plans to recite a piece of mine myself,” said Domingo, while holding an ice pack wrapped in cloth over his left temple. “But in our hubris, we forgot that the Levee belongs to Fairfield Prep, and Fairfield Prep alone. I will see their ill-fitting dress shirts and ties in my dreams every night.”
As a backup option, the beleaguered students eventually held the open mic night at the Writing Center in the DiMenna-Nyselius Library, while library staff unrolled a multilayered defense of barbed wire across the front doors.