Tully Staff Gives Up, Puts KFC Buckets by Ice Cream

By Nathan Schmidt

Students were delighted, faculty were disappointed, and Sodexo was alarmed this week as Tully staff started putting empty KFC buckets at the ice cream station. Staff members were quoted saying things like, “Eat it! It’s what you want, you greasy little privileged pigs!” and, “I bet you’re going to just stick your face into the bucket to eat it.”

Since the Tully Dining Commons was renovated into its current form, the hard-serve ice cream bins have been a staple of the hall’s wide range of dessert options. But the ice cream dishes available to students have varied widely, from sample-sized plastic cups to much larger paper versions. Now the staff seems to have thrown all moderation to the wind, apparently having stolen a box of empty serving buckets from a nearby Kentucky Fried Chicken outlet to place upside-down by the ice cream.

To investigate the matter, Stagnation reporters went on a family-sized interviewing spree, starting with Tully server Jay Gallasten. “Things started going downhill when we noticed students using coffee cups for it,” he said. “Then you’ve got students making sundaes in soup bowls. Where does it end?”

When senior student Laura Haxelbon ‘20 was interviewed over dinner about it, she simply said, “If they didn’t want us to walk out of here with as much ice cream as we can take, why would they give us disposable cups and spoons?”

Unfortunately, Stagnation’s interviewing was cut short when a full-scale brawl broke out in the dining hall over the last KFC bucket on the counter. Sodexo has remained unavailable for comment, most likely because they have lost hope in the humanity of their customers.

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