Tully Steps Up Water Conservation Efforts By Not Even Pretending to Wash Dishes

By Mike Wishart With the cries for increased conservation efforts becoming so loud that business leaders can no longer pretend they can’t hear them, many businesses and institutions are begrudgingly doing the bare minimum to reduce their impact on the environment. Fairfield University is proud to call itself one such institution, and campus administration has … Continue reading Tully Steps Up Water Conservation Efforts By Not Even Pretending to Wash Dishes

Student Half Crushed by Vending Machine, Now Suffers from FADS (Flat Ass Depression Syndrome) 

By Rosemary Harper Two weeks ago, while trying to purchase a packet of Cheez-Its from the BCC vending machine, Mark Stuarting ‘21 met found himself in a tragic accident that resulted in the bottom half of his body being flattened.   While attempting to purchase his cheesy snack, much to his frustration, the packet became stuck … Continue reading Student Half Crushed by Vending Machine, Now Suffers from FADS (Flat Ass Depression Syndrome) 

Fairfield-Themed Tully Food Infested by Stag Beetles

By Nathan Schmidt This week, the Tully dining hall was crawling with excitement as its Fairfield Signature Dinner came infested with stag beetles. The fearsome, pronged insects were found scuttling between the Salisbury steaks, wrestling over the roasted veggie platter, and posing for photos by the apple pie. But according to university officials, this terrifying … Continue reading Fairfield-Themed Tully Food Infested by Stag Beetles

Adult Sues Trix

By Pete Peterson “You wascally wabbit, Trix are for everyone!”  This phrase may seem odd, but it is actually the new favorite protest of America’s newest political topic.  Recently, the famed General Mills cereal Trix has come under fire for ageism as people began to fight back against what they claim is discrimination.  One man … Continue reading Adult Sues Trix

Tully Staff Gives Up, Puts KFC Buckets by Ice Cream

By Nathan Schmidt Students were delighted, faculty were disappointed, and Sodexo was alarmed this week as Tully staff started putting empty KFC buckets at the ice cream station. Staff members were quoted saying things like, “Eat it! It’s what you want, you greasy little privileged pigs!” and, “I bet you’re going to just stick your … Continue reading Tully Staff Gives Up, Puts KFC Buckets by Ice Cream

Mysterious Bandit Leaves Tully Plate in Trash

By Nathan Schmidt The hunt is on, as Fairfield University reels from an unknown mystery bandit who left a Tully plate in the trash. The plate was found in a meeting room within the Egan School of Nursing and Health Studies, still bearing the label of the Tully Dining Hall on its face. At this … Continue reading Mysterious Bandit Leaves Tully Plate in Trash

Fairfield @ Night Hosts Movie Night with Ears of Corn In Buckets    

By Rosemary Harper Today Fairfield @ Night declared that they will be launching a new clean eating initiative. As of today, they have announced that for the entirety of the fall semester they will only be serving ears of corn in buckets at all of their events. Which, coincidentally, happens to align with Sodexo’s recent … Continue reading Fairfield @ Night Hosts Movie Night with Ears of Corn In Buckets    

Crisis Hits Tully After Widespread Dry Mouth Caused by CBD Oil/Olive Oil Mix-Up

By Rosemary Harper Last Wednesday a senior chowing down in the Tully unknowingly sparked a widespread panic to all olive oil consumers. Stuart Gregstein ‘20  had brought his own bottle of CBD infused oil from home to sprinkle on his grilled cheese sandwich and popcorn chicken for “that extra punch of flavor only a good … Continue reading Crisis Hits Tully After Widespread Dry Mouth Caused by CBD Oil/Olive Oil Mix-Up

Op-Ed: The Tully Has Betrayed Us

By Nathan Schmidt To Sodexo: This is an open letter to you, concerning the grievance inflicted on the student body and my own person this week. I believed in you. I believed in the food at the Tully. You promised the world to us when the dining hall was renovated. You delivered for such a … Continue reading Op-Ed: The Tully Has Betrayed Us

Riots Break Out After Dunkin’ Runs Out of Coffee

By Nathan Schmidt  Calamity struck Fairfield University yesterday morning when all three campus locations of Dunkin’ ran out of coffee at the same time. The shortage first set in around 9:20 AM, when students were just getting out of bed and off to their classes. By 11:00, word had spread of the coffee failure, and … Continue reading Riots Break Out After Dunkin’ Runs Out of Coffee