Class of 2021 Petitioning for Dunkin Gift Cards

By Rosemary Harper A new, highly popular petition has been flying around Fairfield campus. What is this hot new movement, you may ask? It can be summed up in two words: Dunkin Donuts.  Among recent news of graduation plans for the class of 2021, there have been mixed opinions surrounding how the ceremony (or ceremonies … Continue reading Class of 2021 Petitioning for Dunkin Gift Cards

CAS Offers New Minor: Socialist Revolutionary Action

By Nathan Schmidt This week, the College of Arts and Sciences has announced a new minor, starting in spring 2021, for socialist revolutionary action. In the wake of other subversive and daring academic programs as seen in the Humanitarian Action minor and the Women, Gender and Sexuality Studies minor, the CAS has now moved directly … Continue reading CAS Offers New Minor: Socialist Revolutionary Action

Quarantined Students Attempt Escape, Accidentally Create Found Footage Film

By Frederick "Quickie" Mercurium Fairfield University Media Center - DPS officers garbed in masks and hazmat suits rushed to the scene at the former Dolan School of Business. There, two students had passed out on the side lawn while another was found near a back exit knocked out near the stairwell. Investigating the students on … Continue reading Quarantined Students Attempt Escape, Accidentally Create Found Footage Film

Tuition Now Includes Human Blood

By Nathan Schmidt This spring, Fairfield University has announced a new financial initiative entitled “Red Stag,” where students are required to pay a large volume of human blood to the school as part of their tuition. The initiative, inspired by mounting deficits of spiritual suffering at the university, will allow Fairfield students to understand the … Continue reading Tuition Now Includes Human Blood

Student Who Asked If There Was Homework Will Enter Witness Protection

By Nathan Schmidt In a bitter turn of events, Fairfield lost one of its best and brightest students to witness protection after she asked her professor if there was homework. The disastrous moment took place in a morning class of Intro to Microeconomics, under the adjunct professor Dr. Mellie Kranolin. Everyone was packing up for … Continue reading Student Who Asked If There Was Homework Will Enter Witness Protection

Riots Break Out After Dunkin’ Runs Out of Coffee

By Nathan Schmidt  Calamity struck Fairfield University yesterday morning when all three campus locations of Dunkin’ ran out of coffee at the same time. The shortage first set in around 9:20 AM, when students were just getting out of bed and off to their classes. By 11:00, word had spread of the coffee failure, and … Continue reading Riots Break Out After Dunkin’ Runs Out of Coffee

Philosophy Department Caves, Holds “Ethics Here and Now” Keynote Speech in DSB

By Nathan Schmidt Last week, Fairfield University’s philosophy department handed its moment of glory over to its administrative arch-nemesis. The moment took place on Friday, when the university hosted a massive, day-long ethics symposium entitled Ethics Here and Now: Racial Justice, Reproductive Justice, Climate Justice. This symposium, spearheaded by Fairfield’s philosophy department, showcased the relevance … Continue reading Philosophy Department Caves, Holds “Ethics Here and Now” Keynote Speech in DSB

Report: 90% of Male Business Majors Cite “The Wolf of Wall Street” as Inspiration

By Mike Wishart Drugs. Prostitutes. Financial Fraud. The average person may hear these phrases and think of Martin Scorsese’s 2013 film “The Wolf of Wall Street.” But if a Dolan Business School student were to hear them, there is a chance they would picture their future. A campus study has found that a whopping 90% … Continue reading Report: 90% of Male Business Majors Cite “The Wolf of Wall Street” as Inspiration

Fairfield Reveals Plans to Knock Down Canisius, Build Third Business School

By Nathan Schmidt This week, campus officials proudly announced that over the summer, Canisius Hall will be demolished and replaced with a third School of Business building. The venerable building, which has stood as the center of the College of Arts & Sciences classes since its construction in the 1950s, is far behind code and … Continue reading Fairfield Reveals Plans to Knock Down Canisius, Build Third Business School

Coked Up White Boys Exposé

By Alexis Shepard Fairfield University is well known for its Dolan School of Business and all the students that get to receive a prestigious education about the tenants of a successful business. There are classes about accounting, marketing, business law and ethics, business administration, and many more. But the one skill that seems to be … Continue reading Coked Up White Boys Exposé