By Rosemary Harper
A new, highly popular petition has been flying around Fairfield campus. What is this hot new movement, you may ask? It can be summed up in two words: Dunkin Donuts.
Among recent news of graduation plans for the class of 2021, there have been mixed opinions surrounding how the ceremony (or ceremonies in this case) will work. Because part of this year’s proceedings will be split by college (e.g Arts and Sciences and Business having their own respective ceremonies) many seniors are unhappy about how their graduation will look like- particularly with graduates with two degrees in more than one college. To top it off, the entire class will be together on Zoom, everyone’s favourite meeting place.
In an effort to make the most of this year’s unusual graduation, the class of 2021 has boldly gone where no graduating class has gone before: demanding the University to provide $10 Dunkin gift cards ahead of their last hurrah at Fairfield U. So far, the petition has gathered support from all students with a whopping 10000 signatures. Jackie Kohi ‘21 gave this reasoning for signing the petition: “If I have to sit on Zoom for 3 hours I’m gonna need to mainline coffee so I can stay awake.”
Underclassmen students are also highly supportive of this movement as they are hoping it could become a new tradition. At the time of writing this article, the petition has a 104% approval rating from both the student body and faculty members. One professor whom Stagnation interviewed anonymously said, “Commencement is a lovely and exciting time, except that it also has long stretches that are boring as hell. Just imagine how it’ll be over Zoom. A large iced coffee would really help with that.”
For updates on whether or not the University will buckle under the pressure or cause a caffeine hungry riot, be sure to follow Stagnation.
Stagnation 
This demonstrates that Fairfield U students are putting their hard-spent college-dollars to work- thinking outside of the box and coming up with exciting new and innovative ways to celebrate. No doubt this will eventually lead to the end of parties at the beach where everyone will just congregate at their closest Dunkin to socialise with their contemporaries and comparing their coffee cards. Great Work Stags!
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