“Stop saying stonks!” Economics Professor Quits In Midst Of GameStop Drama

By Mike Wishart To quote another another source of misguided plunges into the stock market, “I don’t care if you’re Warren Buffett or if you’re Jimmy Buffett,” nobody can defeat the memes.  This is the harsh lesson that traditional Wall Street investors and hedge fund managers learned this past month with the GameStop short squeeze. … Continue reading “Stop saying stonks!” Economics Professor Quits In Midst Of GameStop Drama

Tales From Isolation: A Portrait of a Young Man On the Edge

By Mike Wishart The following transcript comes from the journal of Fairfield University student Michael Wishart, as recovered by Fairfield University’s Department of Public Safety. WARNING: The following content may be disturbing to some readers.  Friday, January 29th, 2021 Today my townhouse seems a lot bigger than it usually is, and my bed feels just … Continue reading Tales From Isolation: A Portrait of a Young Man On the Edge

University Forced To Cancel Several Guest Lectures, Nobody Noticed

By Mike Wishart For those of us who haven’t been living under a Dwayne Johnson, the impact of the COVID-19 pandemic has had wide ranging implications for our day to day lives. Not only are mundane activities like attending school or work being interrupted, big events we used to look forward to like concerts and … Continue reading University Forced To Cancel Several Guest Lectures, Nobody Noticed

Professor Gets Away With Heist, Robbing the University of $100,000

By Mike Wishart Ladies and gentlemen. We as a collective community have been duped. One hundred thousand dollars were stolen right from under our noses. How was this done? How could somebody have taken such a large sum of money from our beloved university without anybody noticing?  I know what you may be thinking. Were … Continue reading Professor Gets Away With Heist, Robbing the University of $100,000

Op-Ed: Seeing Red; Why on Earth Is the Last COVID-19 Danger Level Purple?

By Mike Wishart This past weekend, after seeing a troubling and sudden rise in COVID-19 cases on campus, the University announced that we would be moving to Status Level Orange. This means that the RecPlex has closed, posing a serious threat to the #gains of the campus community. The Tully is now entirely grab-and- go, … Continue reading Op-Ed: Seeing Red; Why on Earth Is the Last COVID-19 Danger Level Purple?

How to Be a Titan of Industry: A Man Who Hasn’t Lost Hundreds of Millions of Dollars Shares His Tips and Tricks

By Michael Wishart This past weekend, the New York Times released a groundbreaking report regarding President Donald Trump’s tax returns. What the report showed was shocking, with the “Home Alone 2: Lost In New York” star paying just $750 in federal income tax in 2016 and 2017. Not only that, but Trump has lost $315 … Continue reading How to Be a Titan of Industry: A Man Who Hasn’t Lost Hundreds of Millions of Dollars Shares His Tips and Tricks

Tully Steps Up Water Conservation Efforts By Not Even Pretending to Wash Dishes

By Mike Wishart With the cries for increased conservation efforts becoming so loud that business leaders can no longer pretend they can’t hear them, many businesses and institutions are begrudgingly doing the bare minimum to reduce their impact on the environment. Fairfield University is proud to call itself one such institution, and campus administration has … Continue reading Tully Steps Up Water Conservation Efforts By Not Even Pretending to Wash Dishes

Student Accidentally Calls Priest “Daddy” Instead of “Father”

By Mike Wishart Things took a turn for the kinky this past Sunday when a student made an unfortunate error while addressing one of the University’s priests. As the parishioners attending the 11 a.m. mass filed out of the chapel, they bid farewell to the priest leading the mass saying “Thank you, Father.” But one … Continue reading Student Accidentally Calls Priest “Daddy” Instead of “Father”

Student Says “Yeah, I got Corona Virus” Referring to Beer, Causes Lockdown

By Mike Wishart While the world remains on edge with the spread of the deadly coronavirus, the Fairfield University campus remains on lockdown due to a student saying that they have “Corona Virus.” The panic on campus all started this past Saturday night at a townhouse party around 10:45 p.m. Overhearing a conversation two other … Continue reading Student Says “Yeah, I got Corona Virus” Referring to Beer, Causes Lockdown

University Has Updated Its Privacy Policy, Bathroom Stalls and Curtains Removed

By Mike Wishart You may have seen a bit more of your neighbors than you planned in the past few days. That’s likely because the university has updated its privacy policy, and as a result all bathroom stalls, shower/window curtains, and doors on campus have been removed. In addition, surveillance cameras have been placed in … Continue reading University Has Updated Its Privacy Policy, Bathroom Stalls and Curtains Removed