Mr. Macabre’s Hall of Happiness – The Beauty of Nothing

Michael Atkins A new exhibit was opened in a new wing of Loyola Hall, dubbed “Mr. Macabre’s Hall of Happiness”. The contributor seems to have been under the name “Mason Macabre,” funding completely all of its construction. Given free admission for a review, I entered the hall with a positive fight. Entering the pitch-black painted … Continue reading Mr. Macabre’s Hall of Happiness – The Beauty of Nothing

Woman Discovers Magical Bingo Chip, Makes Tully Food Great

By Michael Atkins Barone Campus Center - Theresa Junobug recently created reality to bend to her will after discovering a bingo chip. The chip was discovered in a tape of The Beach Boys, which Junobug thought she could redeem for some Inspire credit hours. She instead received the omnipresent powers of the Bingo God, who … Continue reading Woman Discovers Magical Bingo Chip, Makes Tully Food Great

Florida Man Invades Fairfield, Says He’s Lucas’ Brother

By Michael Atkins Loyola Hall - Residents of Loyola found themselves caught in a crossfire of liquor and Nerf™ darts by a perpetrator under the guise of Tip Top Tim Tom. Once unmasked, Florida resident Etti “Jumpin’ Jack” Backslash rambled for three hours how he was contracted by someone in Bridgeport called “Mariposa” and how … Continue reading Florida Man Invades Fairfield, Says He’s Lucas’ Brother

The Mariposa Manifesto

By Michael Atkins Kelley Center - At 9:00 am of last Wednesday, a package was secured by Public Safety after someone reported it lying under a tree. When proper authorities arrived at the season, they found what appeared to be a manifesto typewritten on looseleaf paper, bound together by weeds. What officials found was disturbing … Continue reading The Mariposa Manifesto

Spider-Man 3: A Deconstruction of the Superhero Genre

By Michael Atkins Scarface, Clyde Checks Out, Kazaam. What do these films have in common? They all take the magnificent form that challenges the cinematic world. Scarface revitalized the gangster genre alongside The Godfather. Clyde Checks Out allowed viewers to see that monkeys could be used in something other than space shuttles. And Kazaam is … Continue reading Spider-Man 3: A Deconstruction of the Superhero Genre

Kazaam: When Evil meets Hip Hop

By Michael Atkins Kazaam is a film directed by Paul Michael Glaser, who was actually the leader of a demonic cult known as “Aviv Sal Segav”. Unfortunately, his soul was then transferred into the film in order to preserve the purity of Glaser’s essence. Soon after its release, Glaser’s body became imbued with the soul … Continue reading Kazaam: When Evil meets Hip Hop

Barracuda Attacks Radioactive Stag

By Michael Atkins This week, a flying barracuda suddenly crashed onto the court of Donnarumma Hall, unable to understand the waterless world we call “land”. As it flew into the trees and and benches, desperately seeking an exit, a stag casually approached the area. Sensing possible hostility, the barracuda went straight for its torso and … Continue reading Barracuda Attacks Radioactive Stag

Fairfield University Holds Stag Racing Tournament

By Michael Atkins At 9:55 am, racers from around the campus stood at the starting line. We had June Garth and her stag Heresy from Jogues, though the multiple scrabbles made us realize she had trouble trying to write Hershey. From Campion, the fabulous Craig Buckets and his stag Swashbucketeer made an odd appearance with … Continue reading Fairfield University Holds Stag Racing Tournament

Local Student Achieves Nirvana After Learning He Doesn’t Have a Quiz

By Michael Atkins This week, a Chemistry major student suddenly lifted into the air and passed onto the next realm of existence. Michael Verde '21 was, according to witnesses, “absolutely losing his mind.” He had apparently started tearing his shirt off fabric by fabric as he howled in Irish gibberish. When he received a notification … Continue reading Local Student Achieves Nirvana After Learning He Doesn’t Have a Quiz