The Mariposa Manifesto

By Michael Atkins

Kelley Center – At 9:00 am of last Wednesday, a package was secured by Public Safety after someone reported it lying under a tree. When proper authorities arrived at the season, they found what appeared to be a manifesto typewritten on looseleaf paper, bound together by weeds. What officials found was disturbing even to the average exam taker. This, according to reports, was the Mariposa Manifesto.

The manifesto contained the inner thoughts of a notorious gangster, Eddie “Mariposa” Monarch. Monarch was a drug lord in Oaxaca, who convinced innocent families to try his “sugar”. In reality, his sugar was a concentrated form of opium created by his associate, Wally “Bebop” Beetle somewhere in the Carribeans. Apparently, a student in Fairfield University had killed his sister, Alexandra Monarch, sometime last summer. Monarch is currently being located somewhere in the Seaside Beach area in Bridgeport.

Some disturbing quotes involve slaughtering canaries for survival or making children sing praises for his executed targets. One such excerpt was given to officials out of context.

“I like the children, so young and pretty. Like my sister, but not in that way. More like my lover in Tibet. Tibble the Termite, what a gal I tell you. She gets real freaky with my thorax. Shouldn’t have left her with the hummingbird bastards, Freddy and Reddy. Now Jessie, that was a Death’s Head I woulda fluttered circles around.”

Whether or not Eddie was under narcotics when writing the manifesto or if he’s expressing himself truthfully remains to be seen.

Details are sketchy, but Eddie was seen somewhere in Beardsley Zoo, staring deeply into one of the butterflies in the monarch exhibit. Stripping down from his clothes, Eddie was no longer seen, or rather identified, since then. Beardsley Zoo has reported to let out its butterflies by the end of August, so authorities are advised to quickly locate Eddie for incarceration.

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