CIA Helps University Officials Take People Off-Campus For Summer Closing

By Marvin Irwin It’s that time of the year again. The birds are chirping, the sun is shining, and the allergy sufferers are sneezing. You know what that means. The University wants you to get the hell out of your room, like yesterday.  Fairfield has begun its semesterly barrage of emails. Each one begging you … Continue reading CIA Helps University Officials Take People Off-Campus For Summer Closing

‘Godzilla vs. Kong’ Review: Not Enough Human Drama

By Marvin Irwin Pretentious. Intellectual. A Bore. All of the phrases I have just listed perfectly sum up the film “Godzilla vs. Kong.” Never before have we seen such a disconnect between what the audience craves and what a director gives to us.  My whole awful experience of viewing this movie began as I made … Continue reading ‘Godzilla vs. Kong’ Review: Not Enough Human Drama

Ford Releases New Bronco, OJ Seeks Royalties For Every White One Sold

By Marvin Irwin If you love off-road capabilities, durability, double homicide, and American engineering, then Ford has just released the perfect car for you.  This past year, Ford announced that it was bringing back its iconic SUV, the Ford Bronco. Bringing back the Bronco makes a lot of sense for Ford.  The Bronco is one … Continue reading Ford Releases New Bronco, OJ Seeks Royalties For Every White One Sold

DPS Introduces Newest Officer: Prince Harry

By Marvin Irwin To continue to pretend to crack down on COVID-19 guideline violations on campus, the Department of Public Safety has announced that it is expanding its ranks. One particular new recruit has captured the imagination of the campus community.  Among the newest additions to the DPS forces is everyone’s favorite redhead from the … Continue reading DPS Introduces Newest Officer: Prince Harry

Things To Do While The Credits Roll For “WandaVision”

By Marvin Irwin If you are one of the roughly 6.5 million Americans that is a slave to Disney’s revolving door of Marvel Studios content and watched “WandaVision,” then you have no doubt taken notice of the absurd amount of time in each episode allocated for the credits. Of the six episodes of “WandaVision” that … Continue reading Things To Do While The Credits Roll For “WandaVision”

Campus Dunkin’ Requires You To Dance If You Order “The Charli”

By Marvin Irwin If you’re looking to get a cold brew with three pumps of caramel swirl and whole milk from any campus Dunkin’ location, it’s gonna cost you a little extra.  That’s because starting this week, every campus Dunkin’ will require that you do a TikTok dance when you order “The Charli.” The Charli … Continue reading Campus Dunkin’ Requires You To Dance If You Order “The Charli”

University’s Vaccine Rollout Takes Disastrous Turn

By Marvin Irwin This is what we in the biz call a good news bad news situation.  Good news, the university has acquired COVID-19 vaccines for all students.  Bad news, the university was responsible for handling the vaccines.  This past weekend, Fairfield University successfully acquired a shipment of Russia’s Sputnik V COVID-19 vaccines. University officials, … Continue reading University’s Vaccine Rollout Takes Disastrous Turn

Lucas the Stag Launches OnlyFans Account

By Marvin Irwin In the midst of the uncertainty that clouds the country today, businesses across America are struggling and universities are not immune. Colleges are struggling to drive up applicants due to the lifestyle that college students must adhere to due to the COVID-19 pandemic. For some inexplicable reason, students and their parents are … Continue reading Lucas the Stag Launches OnlyFans Account

Stop the count! Students Attempt Presidential Method For Grading

By Marvin Irwin  “Stop the count!”  If you have said this phrase at some point during the past week or so, it is unlikely that you are able to read or pick up on satire. Since you are reading Stagnation, it is unlikely that this phrase is something you would have said.  After Prisoner-Elect Donald … Continue reading Stop the count! Students Attempt Presidential Method For Grading

Gaiter? I Hardly Know Her!: Why are neck gaiters the mask of choice for cool guys?

By Marvin Irwin As I am sure you are aware of by now, in the COVID-infested wasteland with immaculately green grass that you know as Fairfield University, face coverings are required essentially any time you are outside of your living space. Whether or not this is followed is another story, but the rule implemented by … Continue reading Gaiter? I Hardly Know Her!: Why are neck gaiters the mask of choice for cool guys?