Campus Ministry Announces New Service Trip to Hunt and Kill the Antichrist

By Nathan Schmidt

This week, Campus Ministry announced the creation of a new international service immersion trip designed to give Fairfield students the opportunity to hunt down and kill the Antichrist. The seven-day program, which will take students through key suspect locations in Rome and the Holy Land, will combine elements from Jesuit service learning, Fairfield academic achievement, and righteous bloody slaughter of the child of Satan.

“Jesuit theology, in keeping with Biblical Scripture, maintains that the Antichrist will deceive people into thinking him a benevolent figure, and so the quest of finding him will encourage students to reach out to local communities and understand their cultures,” said Campus Ministry’s Rev. Arnold Nelson, while polishing a large wood and steel crossbow on his desk.

“Once we find the devil’s spawn in this world, we will be able to help students engage with our own historical tradition by putting the creature to death in the olden way,” Nelson said. “The young adults who come to our school are the finest in their generation, and we want them to feel empowered to strike down evil with ruthless and violent efficiency wherever it rears its Hell-worshiping head.”

While some university officials have expressed concern about sending students on what has been described as “a blood crusade for the glory of the Church,” initial responses from students themselves have been overall positive.

In an interview with Stagnation, Marcus Hauers ‘21 said, “I hadn’t been planning on doing a service thing with the ministry, but then Reverend Nelson started talking about the best way to hammer a stake into a creature’s heart, and I was like, alright, that sounds pretty good. Honestly, I’m starting to think everyone should get to do something like this in college if they want to call their four years time well spent.”

The service trip is scheduled for early March next year, in order to allow Christians all over the world to celebrate the death of the Antichrist on Easter Sunday. Rev. Nelson expressed hopes that the program may even come back in subsequent years if the first turns out successfully.

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