Peer-Reviewed Studies Show Putin’s Smirk is Growing Wider Over Time 

By Diogenes

Recent scientific studies have demonstrated what seems to be the early development of a startling trend. Vladimir Putin, President of the Russian Federation, well-known for demonstrating a smug grin while formulating mischievous plans for global wrongdoing, perhaps has been becoming more devious and sly over time. Deeply concerning empirical studies on the width of his smirk demonstrate that its average width is increasing, though what foul portends this omen may signify have yet to be seen. Some claim that this points to a trend of President Putin becoming more evil over time, though more data collection is required and leading scientists warn us not to jump to conclusions. “It could be just a coincidence, and not necessarily causative”, says local Fairfield University Physics student, who later postulated that the rate of expansion of the smirk may be increasing at an exponential rate. Other Physics students later disagreed with this claim, with some more ambitious students extrapolating a potential “Big Crunch” of smirk width in the distant future. Above all, we must not be flippant about this concerning finding, and can expect more developments about it in the weeks to come as we coordinate with our Stagnation bureau in Moscow. 

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