Donnarumma Ranked Most Prison-Like Building on Campus

By Nathan Schmidt

In this year’s annual survey by the Office of Residence Life, students selected Donnarumma Hall as the most prison-like of all the buildings on campus. The vote came in an overwhelming landslide, with 92 percent of participating students singling out the building for its patently oppressive and generally unpleasant design.

“I’m simultaneously completely shocked and also completely unsurprised,” said Dr. Carly Longthelmer, who administered the survey. “That wasn’t even an option on the survey this year. The students had to all use the ‘any extra thoughts’ text box at the end to write about Donnarumma being an authoritarian prison house that sits like a stain on our campus. So I guess the verdict is in, huh?”

Donnarumma Hall, which was built in 1981 as a much-needed classroom and office building, was called simply the Faculty Office Building until 1992. Its loop-shaped hallways and position on a steep hillside ensure that many of the rooms in it have no windows, especially classrooms. The outdoor aesthetic of the building, essentially a brown brick box, also helps lend the impression that nobody is ever meant to go in or out.

“Oh, yeah, I remember that survey,” said Lauren Floor ‘21, who was among the many students who voted for Donnarumma’s new mark of ignominy. “I’ve had three courses in that building, and they were all in those couple classrooms in the basement. Or technically the ground floor but let’s face it, it’s a basement. You know what it’s like to walk in at 11 AM, beautiful sunny day outside, and sit in a windowless room with shitty fluorescent lighting and a broken thermostat? You remember that part better than whatever the professor’s trying to teach you.”

Dr. Longthelmer also confirmed that Canisius Hall, built in 1957 as a classroom building, had been ranked the most depressing relic on campus.

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