By Nathan Schmidt
A freshman student has perfected the art of grunting loudly during weight training to let everyone know he’s working out. Brett Igmalio ‘22, who is studying in the School of Business and proudly wears a bright yellow power tie with his tailored blazer at social functions, makes it vocally clear to all fellow exercisers and passersby that he’s pushing his training to the limit.
Like many students on campus, Brett makes use of the weight room at the RecPlex, where athletically-minded students can be found all day pumping iron and studiously avoiding the cardio machines upstairs. Whether he’s using free weights or taking too long on the machines, he always makes sure to exclaim loudly with every lift, ensuring that nobody in his vicinity will continue their day without understanding the raw effort and willpower that goes into his exercise.
“I’m pumped!” exclaimed Brett, when approached for interview outside the men’s locker room. “I’m in the zone! You can’t touch this — look at my bicep. It’s OK, you can touch my bicep. Yeah, feel those guns! You can’t touch this! Nnnngh!”
Another student who passed nearby after the interview, Emilia Heath ‘21, asked our reporter, “Why were you talking to that Rottweiler?”
Students who want to witness Brett in action should do so while they can. As much as he has indeed mastered the technique of signaling his amazing fitness to everyone nearby, Brett is likely to end up dropping the practice once he becomes confident enough in himself to go partying instead of working out.
Stagnation 