YikYak Users Dismayed to Find Positive Comments on App; “Where’s the Bad Funnies?”

ITS – Numerous students have gathered at the ITS department after multiple reports concerning YikYak accumulating since yesterday. At the DiMenna-Nyselius Library, the main floor is more of a battleground than usual.

“I’m not smiling!” screamed Yonda Twoscun ‘23, “I want to laugh at my university, not laugh with it!”

Multiple students had begun banging their fists on the glass until DPS officials on the scene informed them that any damages would be charged to the students. Students have now resorted to slapping the glass lightly.

“Honestly, I’d prefer the cracking,” said ITS staff member Giuppse Gagoo, “The slapping makes me want to crash my head through my computer.”

If students had stopped to read the newsletter about it being “Spreading Positivity Week,” then perhaps the situation would have been avoided.

“Being positive?!” Francisco Seattle ‘24 groaned, “This is harassment and 1984, and whatever everyone’s saying now! I’m getting my father to sue, he was a Marine veteran-“

As Seattle is now being sued by actual Marine veterans, Stagnation welcomes all of us to think happily and not talk smack on YikYak.

This has been Frederick “Quickie” Mercurium, and I’ll be storming ITS in about a few seconds.

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