By Nathan Schmidt
Campus administration announced this week that the new motto of Fairfield University will be Vive Iuvenis, Vive Cito, or “Live Young, Live Fast.” This announcement heralds the departure from the 1997 motto of Per Fidem ad Plenam Veritatem, which translates to “Through Faith to the Fullness of Truth.” Sources claimed that the new motto reflects the real mission of Fairfield, which is to ensure that students can get wasted whenever physically possible as long as they stay “vaguely classy.”
This news came as a surprise to most students and faculty at Fairfield, who had not been aware that Fairfield University had a motto in the first place. But there has been little controversy on the content of the message, which students have found both uplifting and supportive, and which faculty members have accepted with weary resignation.
Campus spokesperson Jared Huthanater said in a public statement, “Fairfield University is the proud training ground of the world’s next generation of business leaders and civic actors. To that end, we are committed to showing the best side of our university to its rising applicants. And according to our latest student poll, the best side of our university is the fact that you can get smashed in Latin instead of Greek. Eat it, Penn State!”
Sources also confirmed that the winning poll vote narrowly edged out the runner-up replacement motto, “Every Night is Stag Night.”
Stagnation 