Freddie “Quickie” Mercurium During the FUSA Presidential Election, a third-party candidate was quickly entered into the polls. Known only as Doe, many assumed this to be a surprise anonymous candidate. By some miracle, Doe won, only for many students to be confused by the arrival of an actual doe when brought in. Wearing a new … Continue reading Doe Single-Handedly Takes On The FUSA Council; Wins By Landslide
Stagnation Writer Wins Coveted Journalism Award
By Pete Peterson It has been years in the making, but it has finally happened: a Stagnation writer has won an award. Often overlooked due to its small size, Stagnation had zero nominations for major awards before this year. But things are looking a little bit different after writer Pete Peterson was awarded the “Alex … Continue reading Stagnation Writer Wins Coveted Journalism Award
Student Half Crushed by Vending Machine, Now Suffers from FADS (Flat Ass Depression Syndrome)
By Rosemary Harper Two weeks ago, while trying to purchase a packet of Cheez-Its from the BCC vending machine, Mark Stuarting ‘21 met found himself in a tragic accident that resulted in the bottom half of his body being flattened. While attempting to purchase his cheesy snack, much to his frustration, the packet became stuck … Continue reading Student Half Crushed by Vending Machine, Now Suffers from FADS (Flat Ass Depression Syndrome)
Swim Team Disqualified After Floaties Found in Locker Rooms
By Nathan Schmidt Waves were made this week in campus athletics when officials discovered a cache of performance-enhancing water wings in the RecPlex men’s locker room. The illicit boosters were quickly traced to every member of the Fairfield University men’s swimming and diving roster. A subsequent investigation revealed that the swimmers had been using the … Continue reading Swim Team Disqualified After Floaties Found in Locker Rooms
“Talking Statue” of Pope Francis Removed After Landmark #MeToo Verdict
By Nathan Schmidt The time has come for students to rejoice! For more than a year, the Barone Campus Center has stood in the shadow of the ominous marble statue of Pope Francis, an icon of the Talking Statue project and a terror to students across the university. But this week, just one day after … Continue reading “Talking Statue” of Pope Francis Removed After Landmark #MeToo Verdict
Titus Andronicus on Ice Review
By Frederick “Quickie” Mercurium Before Fairfield University’s theatre crew could present the Shakespeare tragedy, Titus Andronicus, I was given access to another collaborative work with Webster Bank Arena. This work was being funded by the English department in an effort to be faithful and family friendly to the local community. This was, of course, reviewed … Continue reading Titus Andronicus on Ice Review
Fairfield University Changes Motto to “Live Young, Live Fast”
By Nathan Schmidt Campus administration announced this week that the new motto of Fairfield University will be Vive Iuvenis, Vive Cito, or “Live Young, Live Fast.” This announcement heralds the departure from the 1997 motto of Per Fidem ad Plenam Veritatem, which translates to “Through Faith to the Fullness of Truth.” Sources claimed that the … Continue reading Fairfield University Changes Motto to “Live Young, Live Fast”
Fairfield @ Night Announces New Parkour Challenge Around Campus
By Rosemary Harper F@N has announced a new and exciting initiative in which students will race against the clock and each other in their new Active Nites initiative. The planned course takes competitors through the Barone Campus Center starting at the Tully stairs and ending in the Lower Level BCC, with the event planned for … Continue reading Fairfield @ Night Announces New Parkour Challenge Around Campus
The Tragedy of Darth Binks the Wise
By Connor O’Rourke Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Binks the Wise? It’s not a story the Jedi would tell you. It’s a Sith legend. Darth Binks was once a wise, yet despised evil mastermind whose foolish behaviour and dimwitted demeanour would lead you to think he wasn’t a Sith Lord. Binks was … Continue reading The Tragedy of Darth Binks the Wise
Fairfield University Cancels One-Episode Student Show
By Frederick “Quickie” Mercurium The newest show on the Fairfield University streaming service, "The Stag Show with Gregory Luthers," was immediately canceled after airing for 10 minutes. Luthers was brought into the Dean’s office to discuss his status as a Fairfield student as parents of freshmen students demand for his expulsion. Luthers denied any involvement … Continue reading Fairfield University Cancels One-Episode Student Show
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