B or F? Professor’s Totally Fucked Handwriting Sparks Campus-Wide Debate

By Ellie Conklin FAIRFIELD, CT — It’s been a stressful week for junior Andrew Courtney. After hours of pretending to study, while stopping intermittently to watch the World Series highlights and to take hits out of his Snoopy-shaped bong, he completed his twelve-page midterm exam in his 300-level English class, American Internet Poetry in the … Continue reading B or F? Professor’s Totally Fucked Handwriting Sparks Campus-Wide Debate

Fairfield Needs a Lettuce Club

By Trevor MacDonnell Lettuce?  What is it good for? Absolutely everything.  You can wear it as a hat. You can use it to wipe your ass.  You can use it lure out guinea pigs. You can even, surprise, eat it.  It is my opinion, as this is an opinion piece, that lettuce is worth its … Continue reading Fairfield Needs a Lettuce Club

University’s Construction Company Donates Abstract Outdoor Art from Scrap Metal

By Nathan Schmidt This fall, the many construction projects that have taken place on campus will be complemented by a new generation of art from construction by-products. Gilbane Building Company, which is currently engaged in constructing the new Dolan School of Business nearby the DiMenna-Nyselius Library, has pledged to use its unused metal scrap to … Continue reading University’s Construction Company Donates Abstract Outdoor Art from Scrap Metal

Naive Commuting Student Horrified by Stories of Residence Hall Life

By Nathan Schmidt A naive, wide-eyed commuting student was utterly horrified this week after hearing about the realities faced by those living in the residence halls. Sean Wimbledon ‘22, a freshman whose deepest taste of Fairfield University is the required events on campus for First Year Experience, listened in a mix of wondering awe and … Continue reading Naive Commuting Student Horrified by Stories of Residence Hall Life

Brave Student Makes the Arduous Journey to McAuliffe Hall Twice a Week

By Katherine Klima FAIRFIELD, CT– Bravery and sheer stupidity are two things Fairfield University freshman, Joe King, is not unfamiliar with. “I’ve been stirring up trouble for as long as I could remember,” said King in an exclusive interview. “I think that’s why I was so interested in the challenge.” King is one of few … Continue reading Brave Student Makes the Arduous Journey to McAuliffe Hall Twice a Week

FUSA Cancelling Campus Activities Budget in Favor of Monorail

By Trevor MacDonnell FUSA has taken to making budget cuts in lieu of excessive spending last semester. With programs running rampant with expenses, it seems on-campus activities will be the main victim of these cuts. An anonymous source in FUSA has stated that Pres Ball may be one of the larger events that is cut … Continue reading FUSA Cancelling Campus Activities Budget in Favor of Monorail

Two Students Have Sex on the Stag ;) DPS No-Likey

By Trevor MacDonnell Fairfield police are looking into an incident that occurred last night around 3:00 AM.  The incident involved two students, one male, approximately 5’11, clean shaven, average looking, and one female, brunette, about 5’5 in height, out of his league in looks.   The two students allegedly had relations 😉 in the middle … Continue reading Two Students Have Sex on the Stag 😉 DPS No-Likey

Fairfield Rising Unveils Plan for Leslie C. Quick Space Elevator

By Nathan Schmidt Today, Fairfield Rising officially announced plans to construct a state of the art space elevator on university property. Following the success of its numerous past and present projects, including the new Charles F. Dolan School of Business, 42 Langguth Hall, and the Egan School of Nursing and Health Studies, the capital campaign … Continue reading Fairfield Rising Unveils Plan for Leslie C. Quick Space Elevator

Dolan Hall Ghost Holds Up Vomiting Student’s Hair

By Katherine Klima A majority of college students will agree that one truly gets on a spiritual level with someone the moment they hold your hair back as you vomit into a toilet because you downed those extra six shots of tequila, even though they told you not to in the first place because you’re … Continue reading Dolan Hall Ghost Holds Up Vomiting Student’s Hair

Freshman Totally Has, Like, the Worst Roommate Ever

By Ellie Conklin Freshman year is hard for everyone but Kayla Simpkins, 18, is sure that she is suffering more than everyone else at Fairfield. Kayla, a nursing major from New Jersey, is slowly coming to terms with those age-old feelings of pent-up resentment and lack of much-needed alone time with which every upperclassman is … Continue reading Freshman Totally Has, Like, the Worst Roommate Ever