StagsTV Announces New Kids Program; Plans Quickly Cancelled

By Frederick “Quickie” Mercurium

MEDIA CENTER – Reagen Ruskie ‘23 has canceled all plans for the StagsTV Kids block following backlashes against the new direction taken by the show.

“We did segments about how cool our dorms looked,” complained Bianca Steppenoutte ‘19, “And now we’re just doing some weird Wiggles crap? Trash.”

Potential programs such as The Staggles, Clubhouse Delta Delta Delta, and more are now halted in production and expected to be terminated as the decision was vetoed by a majority of Fairfield staff members.

“We were gonna have The Mirror Kids, y’know,” said Mirror newcomer Dan Dirts ‘23, “Have a bunch of kids nearby report on stuff around their neighborhood. Turns out, they all have phones that tell them about world news. Can you believe it?”

When interviewed by Stagnation, Ruskie immediately told writers that he wasn’t taking any publicity from Hollywood Reporter and such outlets. As he was told that the only group interested was Stagnation, he dejectedly walked to his car and drove off.

Stay tuned for StagsTV Kids never!

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