Philosophy Department Caves, Holds “Ethics Here and Now” Keynote Speech in DSB

By Nathan Schmidt Last week, Fairfield University’s philosophy department handed its moment of glory over to its administrative arch-nemesis. The moment took place on Friday, when the university hosted a massive, day-long ethics symposium entitled Ethics Here and Now: Racial Justice, Reproductive Justice, Climate Justice. This symposium, spearheaded by Fairfield’s philosophy department, showcased the relevance … Continue reading Philosophy Department Caves, Holds “Ethics Here and Now” Keynote Speech in DSB

Pizzagate Redux: DPS Operation Busts Levee for Operating as Brothel

By Pete Peterson It turns out pizza wasn’t the only thing people were paying for at the Levee. On Saturday night, DPS and FBI raided the pizza place around 12:23am and took seven people into custody for operating a brothel. Only a few major injuries were reported. Those taken into custody include two owners/operators, the … Continue reading Pizzagate Redux: DPS Operation Busts Levee for Operating as Brothel

Student With STD Claims He Has Right to Park in Handicap Spot

By Mike Wishart This past week, the itching flames of controversy have engulfed the Fairfield campus. The issue has arisen from junior Roger Wagner, who claims that his case of chlamydia qualifies him for use of the handicap parking spots on campus. “Listen, I’m just trying to take it one day at a time, you … Continue reading Student With STD Claims He Has Right to Park in Handicap Spot

RIP, Juul: Now I Have to Go Back to Tide Pods

By the Guy in the Blue Scarf BREAKING NEWS! Juul is banned. Absolute pandemonium has set in all over campus. Students are seemingly breaking at the seams as the ban on Juul has triggered powerful withdrawal symptoms. They can be seen frantically scratching themselves to bone and many have reported debilitating chills. Responses to the … Continue reading RIP, Juul: Now I Have to Go Back to Tide Pods

Op-Ed: “““Art””” in Bannow should be taken down

By Willoughby Humphrey The Bannow Science Center is a proud beacon of scientific thought on campus here at Fairfield University. But while admiring the scientific portraits of fish and birds, I noticed on the wall of the second floor a piece of art so heinous and wrong-footed, that naturally I had to write an article … Continue reading Op-Ed: “““Art””” in Bannow should be taken down

FUSA Senate Debates Removing the Carcass of Stag from LLBCC

By Nathan Schmidt Controversy has once again embroiled the FUSA Senate as its members debate whether to remove the full stag carcass from the Barone Campus Center. The hollowed-out and taxidermized stag, which is located in the BCC lower level, has provoked strong reactions both for and against its removal. Supporters say that the stag’s … Continue reading FUSA Senate Debates Removing the Carcass of Stag from LLBCC

Senior Expelled After Stepping on Grass Outside DSB

By Nathan Schmidt Scandal has rocked Fairfield University after a senior student was summarily expelled for stepping on a patch of grass that no living being was meant to touch. It happened in the blink of an eye. Pauling Halenmeyer ‘20 was leaving her 11 AM management class at the new Dolan School of Business, … Continue reading Senior Expelled After Stepping on Grass Outside DSB

Student Reported Missing After Commanding Amazon Alexa to “Tell Bezos He’s a Bald Bitch”

By Pete Peterson A community is on edge after the disappearance of a student from Fairfield University. The student, a junior communications major named Jonathan O’Conner, vanished sometime Friday night after 9:45pm. According to his roommate, who asked to remain anonymous, said that he last saw O'Conner in their dorms before going out. There were … Continue reading Student Reported Missing After Commanding Amazon Alexa to “Tell Bezos He’s a Bald Bitch”

On Brand-New “Lucas Week,” All Students Must Dress as Campus Mascot

By Nathan Schmidt This week, campus officials announced an ambitious new plan to boost school spirit at Fairfield University by requiring all students to put on costumes of Lucas the Stag for one full week. The costumes, distributed by the Office of Residence Life, are designed to make every student literally be the mascot of … Continue reading On Brand-New “Lucas Week,” All Students Must Dress as Campus Mascot

Barnyard Manor Grand Opening and Christening Ruined by Celebratory Champagne Breaking

By Alexis Shepard Barnyard Manor had its grand opening on the 11th, with Manor members, faculty, FUSA, other students, and the token Jesuit priest in attendance. The crowd was awkwardly arranged in one of the driveways, and not in a packed group, but something closer to a Nike swoosh as most of the attendance tried … Continue reading Barnyard Manor Grand Opening and Christening Ruined by Celebratory Champagne Breaking