By Nathan Schmidt
This week, campus officials announced an ambitious new plan to boost school spirit at Fairfield University by requiring all students to put on costumes of Lucas the Stag for one full week. The costumes, distributed by the Office of Residence Life, are designed to make every student literally be the mascot of Fairfield whenever they are in public.
“With the new Stag-centric model of school spirit, everything is about Lucas the Stag and everything else Stag-worthy,” said the former Rev. Peter Mallenthrope, who at press time has renamed himself to Rev. Luke Stags. “Everything is about Stags! Just last year, I married off three pairs of Stagmates on campus, and that’s only the beginning! We’re going to see a whole new era of Stag appreciation in Fairfield.”
During Lucas Week, Fairfield’s sports teams will have home games from Monday to Friday, allowing our teams to perform with entire audiences made of big-antlered fluffy mascots. Students will also be expected to wear their Lucas costumes during classes and extracurricular events, while eating at the Barone Campus Center, and even while exercising at the RecPlex. Sources were unavailable to answer whether students will need to be Lucas while swimming.
As a stretch goal, for the full duration of the week, the bronze stag statue by the traffic circle will be dressed up in a Lucas costume as well.
Stagnation 