By Rosemary Harper Turkeys are a common sight around the Fairfield U campus. They are fearless and they don’t give a shit. You have probably wondered where this brazen nature of theirs comes from, as we at Stagnation have asked time and time again. Well folks, strap in and hold on to your hats because … Continue reading Study Reveals Turkey’s Beards are Reason for Their Brazen Nature
Tag: Rosemary Harper
Curfew Moved to 12 Noon
By Rosemary Harper Like all other higher education institutions around the country, Fairfield U has been battling the COVID 19 pandemic. This semester, new and returning students were sensibly slapped with a wide range of COVID-safe guidelines to follow, ranging from mandatory mask wearing and social distancing to limiting the number of students allowed in … Continue reading Curfew Moved to 12 Noon
Coronacation: Turkeys Rejoice As They Successfully Conquer Campus Without Opposition
By Rosemary Harper Alas, the day we have feared for so many months. Due to the statewide lockdown and subsequent school closure, the turkeys — those little shits that torment us on a daily basis — have taken over Fairfield University. And they did it with ease. Once the week after spring break began, they … Continue reading Coronacation: Turkeys Rejoice As They Successfully Conquer Campus Without Opposition
Student Half Crushed by Vending Machine, Now Suffers from FADS (Flat Ass Depression Syndrome)
By Rosemary Harper Two weeks ago, while trying to purchase a packet of Cheez-Its from the BCC vending machine, Mark Stuarting ‘21 met found himself in a tragic accident that resulted in the bottom half of his body being flattened. While attempting to purchase his cheesy snack, much to his frustration, the packet became stuck … Continue reading Student Half Crushed by Vending Machine, Now Suffers from FADS (Flat Ass Depression Syndrome)
Fairfield Archives Reveal When Regis, Loyola and Gonzaga Were Hot Spots on Campus
Who would’ve thought that there was once a time when Regis, Gonzaga and Loyola not only didn’t suck but also were considered the hot shit hangout spots for students. Far off were the days of old sticky carpets and floors, being outdone by buildings with air con and the occasional backflow in their communal bathrooms. … Continue reading Fairfield Archives Reveal When Regis, Loyola and Gonzaga Were Hot Spots on Campus
University Outsources Management of Record-Breaking Snowfall to Students
By Rosemary Harper Last Tuesday, Fairfield encountered a massive blizzard that buried the entire northeastern region in snow for three days. Everything in town was shut down, thousands of homes lost power and road conditions were impossible. Winter storm Hades (named after the ancient Greek god of hell) was determined to be the worst storm … Continue reading University Outsources Management of Record-Breaking Snowfall to Students
Professors Cancel Class Until Students Stop Coughing
By Rosemary Harper Good news for Fairfield students this week: Nearly all undergraduate professors have decided to cancel classes, as they are fed up with students coughing during their lectures. As we are in the midst of cold and flu season, several students have contracted one or more diseases, many of which include the uncontrollable … Continue reading Professors Cancel Class Until Students Stop Coughing
Fairfield @ Night Hosts Movie Night with Ears of Corn In Buckets
By Rosemary Harper Today Fairfield @ Night declared that they will be launching a new clean eating initiative. As of today, they have announced that for the entirety of the fall semester they will only be serving ears of corn in buckets at all of their events. Which, coincidentally, happens to align with Sodexo’s recent … Continue reading Fairfield @ Night Hosts Movie Night with Ears of Corn In Buckets
Crisis Hits Tully After Widespread Dry Mouth Caused by CBD Oil/Olive Oil Mix-Up
By Rosemary Harper Last Wednesday a senior chowing down in the Tully unknowingly sparked a widespread panic to all olive oil consumers. Stuart Gregstein ‘20 had brought his own bottle of CBD infused oil from home to sprinkle on his grilled cheese sandwich and popcorn chicken for “that extra punch of flavor only a good … Continue reading Crisis Hits Tully After Widespread Dry Mouth Caused by CBD Oil/Olive Oil Mix-Up
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