Who would’ve thought that there was once a time when Regis, Gonzaga and Loyola not only didn’t suck but also were considered the hot shit hangout spots for students. Far off were the days of old sticky carpets and floors, being outdone by buildings with air con and the occasional backflow in their communal bathrooms.
While clearing out old storage rooms, Fairfield University Staff found old copies of the Mirror from 40 years ago with articles discussing how much people loved the new buildings. A statement was made by the Dean of Students in an attempt to try and get people to shut up about the current condition of the respective buildings today, where they held up a quote praising Regis and how “swell it is” and basically saying “see, they’re not that bad.”
In the papers, all of the male students from times gone by can be seen across several images looking over-enthusiastically happy about their living situation. But it was the 60s, so they were all probably flying high (*nudge nudge wink wink*).
It’s clear that this did not work out for the University as originally hoped, rather than shut people up about them it gave the mob an exact number for how old the buildings were. The incident has now led to the University officials sprinting from their cars to their offices every morning while a stampede of students beg for air conditioning and sinks that don’t suffer from backflow in their buildings. The University is hoping that this will subside when the new class of freshmen come in next fall, because no one will give a shit about those buildings anymore when they move on into sophomore housing. And the cycle will repeat for all time until the terrible trio eventually crumble into dust.
Stagnation 