By Nathan Schmidt This fall, Fairfield University will proudly introduce its newest class of students to the most ground-breaking and innovative academic curriculum ever designed: dragon-slaying. The new battery of undergraduate courses, managed by the St. George Center for Magical Hunting, will focus on training students to embark on wild adventures through the countryside to … Continue reading Fairfield University Welcomes Class of 2023 with New Dragon-Slaying Curriculum
Category: Entertainment
Report: 90% of Male Business Majors Cite “The Wolf of Wall Street” as Inspiration
By Mike Wishart Drugs. Prostitutes. Financial Fraud. The average person may hear these phrases and think of Martin Scorsese’s 2013 film “The Wolf of Wall Street.” But if a Dolan Business School student were to hear them, there is a chance they would picture their future. A campus study has found that a whopping 90% … Continue reading Report: 90% of Male Business Majors Cite “The Wolf of Wall Street” as Inspiration
Whales Spotted in Fairfield
By Pete Peterson On Sunday, there was an alarming number of reports of whales spotted on campus. Caked in salmon pants, checkered button downs, and navy fleece vests, Fairfield’s class of 2023 arrived on campus for Accepted Students Day. The students, wearing exclusively Vineyard Vines and Sperry boat shoes, flocked throughout the quad in an … Continue reading Whales Spotted in Fairfield
Woman Discovers Magical Bingo Chip, Makes Tully Food Great
By Michael Atkins Barone Campus Center - Theresa Junobug recently created reality to bend to her will after discovering a bingo chip. The chip was discovered in a tape of The Beach Boys, which Junobug thought she could redeem for some Inspire credit hours. She instead received the omnipresent powers of the Bingo God, who … Continue reading Woman Discovers Magical Bingo Chip, Makes Tully Food Great
Florida Man Invades Fairfield, Says He’s Lucas’ Brother
By Michael Atkins Loyola Hall - Residents of Loyola found themselves caught in a crossfire of liquor and Nerf™ darts by a perpetrator under the guise of Tip Top Tim Tom. Once unmasked, Florida resident Etti “Jumpin’ Jack” Backslash rambled for three hours how he was contracted by someone in Bridgeport called “Mariposa” and how … Continue reading Florida Man Invades Fairfield, Says He’s Lucas’ Brother
Fairfield Students Throw House Party at “To Catch a Predator” Safe House
By Pete Peterson On Friday night, devastation struck the town of Fairfield. While throwing a banging party at an undisclosed address, Fairfield University students were excited to see more cars arrive at their event. The drivers of those cars were just as excited to be arriving there too, as, in the words of one John … Continue reading Fairfield Students Throw House Party at “To Catch a Predator” Safe House
The Mariposa Manifesto
By Michael Atkins Kelley Center - At 9:00 am of last Wednesday, a package was secured by Public Safety after someone reported it lying under a tree. When proper authorities arrived at the season, they found what appeared to be a manifesto typewritten on looseleaf paper, bound together by weeds. What officials found was disturbing … Continue reading The Mariposa Manifesto
Spider-Man 3: A Deconstruction of the Superhero Genre
By Michael Atkins Scarface, Clyde Checks Out, Kazaam. What do these films have in common? They all take the magnificent form that challenges the cinematic world. Scarface revitalized the gangster genre alongside The Godfather. Clyde Checks Out allowed viewers to see that monkeys could be used in something other than space shuttles. And Kazaam is … Continue reading Spider-Man 3: A Deconstruction of the Superhero Genre
FU Students Celebrate Sham Jam by Wearing Green and Getting Transported
By Chase Galloway It was coming up on St. Patrick's Day, and Fairfield University was going to celebrate the only way it knows how: by going to the beach regardless of the weather. The party was rocking, the music was loud, and the security guard was rolling his eyes at the kids sneaking down the … Continue reading FU Students Celebrate Sham Jam by Wearing Green and Getting Transported
Kazaam: When Evil meets Hip Hop
By Michael Atkins Kazaam is a film directed by Paul Michael Glaser, who was actually the leader of a demonic cult known as “Aviv Sal Segav”. Unfortunately, his soul was then transferred into the film in order to preserve the purity of Glaser’s essence. Soon after its release, Glaser’s body became imbued with the soul … Continue reading Kazaam: When Evil meets Hip Hop
Stagnation 