Fairfield University Welcomes Class of 2023 with New Dragon-Slaying Curriculum

By Nathan Schmidt

This fall, Fairfield University will proudly introduce its newest class of students to the most ground-breaking and innovative academic curriculum ever designed: dragon-slaying. The new battery of undergraduate courses, managed by the St. George Center for Magical Hunting, will focus on training students to embark on wild adventures through the countryside to defeat great draconic monsters in honorable combat.

“There’s never been a better time to join Fairfield U,” said staff coordinator Belinda Lancaster, who spoke to Stagnation reporters while polishing her brand-new medieval knight’s armor that had arrived in the mail earlier that day. “Our Jesuit work ethic has always equipped students to perform better than the rest in the rigors of the real world. Now they’ll be equipped to perform in the world of legend and glory. Let’s see our competitors call us out of touch now.”

All courses on dragon-slaying are available as electives, with a minimum of two courses required under the newly revised academic core. Students who major in dragon-slaying will be expected to find and personally destroy at least one great monster from the deep abyss of time, using their training in the sword, lance and English longbow. Since no other university in the country has yet to offer this field of study, Fairfield faculty members are hopeful that there will still be plenty of dragons to pick from.

When asked about possible inspirations for the new curriculum, Lancaster asked in confusion, “What’s a Skyrim?”

Students with questions about dragon-slaying are invited to attend the weekly informational seminars on dragon lore, held in the Egan Chapel after Mass.

This article originally appeared in the summer edition of The Mirror for incoming freshmen.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s