Depression Levels Spike Among Juniors Since They Can’t Ask First Years “Who Do You Know Here?” At The Townhouses

By Pete Peterson There are some moments in life that are on your mind from the earliest you can remember. They’re like stepping stones to adulthood, all creating the path towards freedom. These moments bring joy, pride, and a newfound sense of confidence to all who experience them. They are the most pivotal moments of … Continue reading Depression Levels Spike Among Juniors Since They Can’t Ask First Years “Who Do You Know Here?” At The Townhouses

Study Reveals Turkey’s Beards are Reason for Their Brazen Nature

By Rosemary Harper Turkeys are a common sight around the Fairfield U campus. They are fearless and they don’t give a shit. You have probably wondered where this brazen nature of theirs comes from, as we at Stagnation have asked time and time again. Well folks, strap in and hold on to your hats because … Continue reading Study Reveals Turkey’s Beards are Reason for Their Brazen Nature

Fairfield Prep Student Discovers Terrifying Secret at Turkey Burial Ground

By Frederick "Quickie" Mercurium THE LEVEE - Fairfield Prep student Josiah “Joey” Joseph made a startling discovery upon walking around the back of the Levy. An undead turkey had been limping around searching for any worms, only finding maggots that had dropped off its own body. “I was only looking for the bathroom,” said Joseph, … Continue reading Fairfield Prep Student Discovers Terrifying Secret at Turkey Burial Ground

Confused Students Stand in Looping Pathway for Two Hours

By Nathan Schmidt Today, in a freak accident of public safety design, over one hundred students unwittingly spent two hours standing in a marked pathway that looped back on itself. The pathway, marked with cordons and blue arrows like the others on campus, went on a complete clockwise circuit around the outside of the Barone … Continue reading Confused Students Stand in Looping Pathway for Two Hours

Fairfield University Claims that it is Actually Over-Reporting COVID-19 Cases

Pete Peterson Apparently, numbers do lie. Fairfield University has reported that 101 students on campus have tested positive for COVID-19 as of September 28th. There have been rumors floating around campus that the University is actually underreporting the number of cases in order to save face and continue to take students money, but administrators have … Continue reading Fairfield University Claims that it is Actually Over-Reporting COVID-19 Cases

DPS Officer Gets Injured On the Job; Reassigned as Robostag

By Frederick "Quickie" Mercurium RecPlex- Today, a new DPS officer stopped a food truck robbery involving two thieves dressed as Super Duper Weenie workers. His name? Robostag. “Stags up,” was all Robostag had to say as he slowly gave the stag signal with his metallic hands. Robostag walked into DPS, startling many except for the … Continue reading DPS Officer Gets Injured On the Job; Reassigned as Robostag

University Removes All Doors From Campus To Prevent Spread of Coronavirus

By Nathan Schmidt In light of rising cases of COVID-19 among students, Fairfield University officials have promoted safety by removing all doors from all buildings on campus. Since the virus spreads more easily in confined indoor spaces, it is thought that the new ventilation from the removed doors will make students safer no matter where … Continue reading University Removes All Doors From Campus To Prevent Spread of Coronavirus

Students Petition to Normalize Celebrating Three-Quarter Birthdays

By April Griffin The COVID-19 quarantine has not made life easy for most. Citizens have had to deal with the loss of life's greatest moments. The toughest loss of all: birthdays. A group of students were especially affected by the inability to celebrate with their friends and families and wanted to take action. As life … Continue reading Students Petition to Normalize Celebrating Three-Quarter Birthdays

Curfew Moved to 12 Noon

By Rosemary Harper Like all other higher education institutions around the country, Fairfield U has been battling the COVID 19 pandemic. This semester, new and returning students were sensibly slapped with a wide range of COVID-safe guidelines to follow, ranging from mandatory mask wearing and social distancing to limiting the number of students allowed in … Continue reading Curfew Moved to 12 Noon

Fairfield Stag Statue Replaced by Man Statue with Antlers

By Nathan Schmidt Today, a years-long campaign of public art has finally come to fruition: Fairfield University’s iconic bronze stag statue has been replaced by a bronze statue of a man with antlers. The life-size statue, titled “The Shape of Humanity,” is in the exact same spot as the original. And already, students have grown … Continue reading Fairfield Stag Statue Replaced by Man Statue with Antlers