History Department Meets Revised Core By Creating Tomb-Raiding Program

By Nathan Schmidt This fall, Fairfield University’s history department has unveiled a brand-new program for students to learn to steal artifacts from ancient tombs. The battery of scaffolded courses, designed in light of the new revised core curriculum, will teach students to visit archaeological dig sites, sneak into sealed and locked spaces, and make off … Continue reading History Department Meets Revised Core By Creating Tomb-Raiding Program

Fairfield University Welcomes Class of 2023 with New Dragon-Slaying Curriculum

By Nathan Schmidt This fall, Fairfield University will proudly introduce its newest class of students to the most ground-breaking and innovative academic curriculum ever designed: dragon-slaying. The new battery of undergraduate courses, managed by the St. George Center for Magical Hunting, will focus on training students to embark on wild adventures through the countryside to … Continue reading Fairfield University Welcomes Class of 2023 with New Dragon-Slaying Curriculum

Report: 90% of Male Business Majors Cite “The Wolf of Wall Street” as Inspiration

By Mike Wishart Drugs. Prostitutes. Financial Fraud. The average person may hear these phrases and think of Martin Scorsese’s 2013 film “The Wolf of Wall Street.” But if a Dolan Business School student were to hear them, there is a chance they would picture their future. A campus study has found that a whopping 90% … Continue reading Report: 90% of Male Business Majors Cite “The Wolf of Wall Street” as Inspiration

Clam Jam Leads to Crabs Outbreak

By Nathan Schmidt Fairfield University has become a case study in epidemiology after last weekend’s annual Clam Jam festival at Penfield Beach. Of the students who attended the night of music, dancing, drinking, public littering, and sand in their socks, more than half of them have since been afflicted with a severe case of genital … Continue reading Clam Jam Leads to Crabs Outbreak

Whales Spotted in Fairfield

By Pete Peterson On Sunday, there was an alarming number of reports of whales spotted on campus. Caked in salmon pants, checkered button downs, and navy fleece vests, Fairfield’s class of 2023 arrived on campus for Accepted Students Day. The students, wearing exclusively Vineyard Vines and Sperry boat shoes, flocked throughout the quad in an … Continue reading Whales Spotted in Fairfield

Woman Discovers Magical Bingo Chip, Makes Tully Food Great

By Michael Atkins Barone Campus Center - Theresa Junobug recently created reality to bend to her will after discovering a bingo chip. The chip was discovered in a tape of The Beach Boys, which Junobug thought she could redeem for some Inspire credit hours. She instead received the omnipresent powers of the Bingo God, who … Continue reading Woman Discovers Magical Bingo Chip, Makes Tully Food Great

Fairfield Reveals Plans to Knock Down Canisius, Build Third Business School

By Nathan Schmidt This week, campus officials proudly announced that over the summer, Canisius Hall will be demolished and replaced with a third School of Business building. The venerable building, which has stood as the center of the College of Arts & Sciences classes since its construction in the 1950s, is far behind code and … Continue reading Fairfield Reveals Plans to Knock Down Canisius, Build Third Business School

Statue of St. Bellarmine Terrifyingly Comes to Life, Proclaims Judgment Day

By Alexis Shepard This Lent season the good boys and girls at Fairfield University were in for a surprise as the Statue of St. Bellarmine near the library stopped clutching his chest at the sight of the students’ average grade for the semester and came to life. Without warning, he hopped off his pedestal and … Continue reading Statue of St. Bellarmine Terrifyingly Comes to Life, Proclaims Judgment Day

Fairfield Students Throw House Party at “To Catch a Predator” Safe House

By Pete Peterson On Friday night, devastation struck the town of Fairfield. While throwing a banging party at an undisclosed address, Fairfield University students were excited to see more cars arrive at their event. The drivers of those cars were just as excited to be arriving there too, as, in the words of one John … Continue reading Fairfield Students Throw House Party at “To Catch a Predator” Safe House

Fairfield Prepares for 5th STAGiving Day with Venison Dinner

By Nathan Schmidt Yesterday, Fairfield University geared up the student body for its fifth annual STAGiving Day with a delicious roast venison dinner in the Tully. The Student STAGiving Dinner was held in preparation for the real STAGiving Day next week, a fledgling tradition where the Fairfield community is encouraged to give back to the … Continue reading Fairfield Prepares for 5th STAGiving Day with Venison Dinner