By Rosemary Harper Turkeys are a common sight around the Fairfield U campus. They are fearless and they don’t give a shit. You have probably wondered where this brazen nature of theirs comes from, as we at Stagnation have asked time and time again. Well folks, strap in and hold on to your hats because … Continue reading Study Reveals Turkey’s Beards are Reason for Their Brazen Nature
Month: October 2020
Fairfield Prep Student Discovers Terrifying Secret at Turkey Burial Ground
By Frederick "Quickie" Mercurium THE LEVEE - Fairfield Prep student Josiah “Joey” Joseph made a startling discovery upon walking around the back of the Levy. An undead turkey had been limping around searching for any worms, only finding maggots that had dropped off its own body. “I was only looking for the bathroom,” said Joseph, … Continue reading Fairfield Prep Student Discovers Terrifying Secret at Turkey Burial Ground
Confused Students Stand in Looping Pathway for Two Hours
By Nathan Schmidt Today, in a freak accident of public safety design, over one hundred students unwittingly spent two hours standing in a marked pathway that looped back on itself. The pathway, marked with cordons and blue arrows like the others on campus, went on a complete clockwise circuit around the outside of the Barone … Continue reading Confused Students Stand in Looping Pathway for Two Hours
Fairfield University Claims that it is Actually Over-Reporting COVID-19 Cases
Pete Peterson Apparently, numbers do lie. Fairfield University has reported that 101 students on campus have tested positive for COVID-19 as of September 28th. There have been rumors floating around campus that the University is actually underreporting the number of cases in order to save face and continue to take students money, but administrators have … Continue reading Fairfield University Claims that it is Actually Over-Reporting COVID-19 Cases
DPS Officer Gets Injured On the Job; Reassigned as Robostag
By Frederick "Quickie" Mercurium RecPlex- Today, a new DPS officer stopped a food truck robbery involving two thieves dressed as Super Duper Weenie workers. His name? Robostag. “Stags up,” was all Robostag had to say as he slowly gave the stag signal with his metallic hands. Robostag walked into DPS, startling many except for the … Continue reading DPS Officer Gets Injured On the Job; Reassigned as Robostag
University Removes All Doors From Campus To Prevent Spread of Coronavirus
By Nathan Schmidt In light of rising cases of COVID-19 among students, Fairfield University officials have promoted safety by removing all doors from all buildings on campus. Since the virus spreads more easily in confined indoor spaces, it is thought that the new ventilation from the removed doors will make students safer no matter where … Continue reading University Removes All Doors From Campus To Prevent Spread of Coronavirus
How to Be a Titan of Industry: A Man Who Hasn’t Lost Hundreds of Millions of Dollars Shares His Tips and Tricks
By Michael Wishart This past weekend, the New York Times released a groundbreaking report regarding President Donald Trump’s tax returns. What the report showed was shocking, with the “Home Alone 2: Lost In New York” star paying just $750 in federal income tax in 2016 and 2017. Not only that, but Trump has lost $315 … Continue reading How to Be a Titan of Industry: A Man Who Hasn’t Lost Hundreds of Millions of Dollars Shares His Tips and Tricks
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