By Trevor MacDonnell FUSA has taken to making budget cuts in lieu of excessive spending last semester. With programs running rampant with expenses, it seems on-campus activities will be the main victim of these cuts. An anonymous source in FUSA has stated that Pres Ball may be one of the larger events that is cut … Continue reading FUSA Cancelling Campus Activities Budget in Favor of Monorail
BREAKING: Today is National Boyfriend Day
By Sabina Dirienzo BREAKING: Today is National Boyfriend Day, and according to your Instagram feed, that one couple is still together. "They fight in the corner of every party," said Trevor Richards '20, "I really thought it was over." While Sarah Allen '20 and Steve Jones '20 definitely hate each other, according to Sarah's Instagram … Continue reading BREAKING: Today is National Boyfriend Day
BREAKING: Dakota Needs Therapy Human
By Nathan Schmidt Fairfield University’s emotional support dog Dakota, located in Canisius Hall, has begun seeking treatment from a qualified therapy human after being burned out by the constant despair of her student visitors. Dakota, who has served the needs of students at the university since 2015, has finally been pushed to a breaking point of … Continue reading BREAKING: Dakota Needs Therapy Human
Crime Feat: Week of 9/24
Tuesday, 9/25 2:25 p.m.—A student reported to DPS that his cocaine delivery was stolen from the mailroom. He reports that after receiving an email about his package and bringing his package slip to the mailroom, the mailroom personnel denied having received his delivery. All mailroom personnel are currently being questioned. Anyone with information is encouraged to … Continue reading Crime Feat: Week of 9/24
Two Students Have Sex on the Stag ;) DPS No-Likey
By Trevor MacDonnell Fairfield police are looking into an incident that occurred last night around 3:00 AM. The incident involved two students, one male, approximately 5’11, clean shaven, average looking, and one female, brunette, about 5’5 in height, out of his league in looks. The two students allegedly had relations 😉 in the middle … Continue reading Two Students Have Sex on the Stag 😉 DPS No-Likey
Flex Seal Products Bring Relief, but Mainly Chaos to the School of Engineering
By Connor O'Rourke The Flex Seal line of products has made its way to Fairfield, but the overarching question on students’ minds is, ‘does it fix everything?’ Well, according to Phil Swift, known for sawing boats in half and arbitrarily using chainsaws on innocent buckets, Flex Seal solves all problems. Engineering students, since the arrival … Continue reading Flex Seal Products Bring Relief, but Mainly Chaos to the School of Engineering
Fairfield Rising Unveils Plan for Leslie C. Quick Space Elevator
By Nathan Schmidt Today, Fairfield Rising officially announced plans to construct a state of the art space elevator on university property. Following the success of its numerous past and present projects, including the new Charles F. Dolan School of Business, 42 Langguth Hall, and the Egan School of Nursing and Health Studies, the capital campaign … Continue reading Fairfield Rising Unveils Plan for Leslie C. Quick Space Elevator
Lucas the Stag Bit Beyoncé
By Alyssa Vigorito Lucas the Stag has a long history of inappropriate behavior. He parades around the Tully and nearby areas, forcing unsuspecting students to take photos with him. His second skin, kept in the window of the Stag Store, commonly comes to life and attacks students, faculty and staff members. This legacy of lewd … Continue reading Lucas the Stag Bit Beyoncé
Accomplished Professor Foiled Yet Again by Youtube Autoplay
By Ellie Conklin FAIRFIELD, CT – “Good time management” and “full understanding of the medium” are two requirements for students’ midterm presentations in Dr. Sonya Gupta’s English class, but she has yet to master these skills herself. According to her students, Gupta wastes an extraordinary amount of class time attempting to conquer Youtube’s irritating autoplay … Continue reading Accomplished Professor Foiled Yet Again by Youtube Autoplay
Dolan Hall Ghost Holds Up Vomiting Student’s Hair
By Katherine Klima A majority of college students will agree that one truly gets on a spiritual level with someone the moment they hold your hair back as you vomit into a toilet because you downed those extra six shots of tequila, even though they told you not to in the first place because you’re … Continue reading Dolan Hall Ghost Holds Up Vomiting Student’s Hair
Stagnation 