By Katherine Klima
A majority of college students will agree that one truly gets on a spiritual level with someone the moment they hold your hair back as you vomit into a toilet because you downed those extra six shots of tequila, even though they told you not to in the first place because you’re a lightweight and you are also probably flashing at least half the people in the room. It’s an unspeakable sort of vow that lasts for life.
In Mia Hurling’s case, there is only one person that comes to mind.
“Hands down it’s gotta be my girl, Sister Mary,” said Hurling ‘19. “Or S&M, as we call her. She really is the best. I honestly don’t know what we’d do without her.”
Hurling, like many other juniors residing at Fairfield University, lives at the school’s infamous Dolan Hall, which is notoriously famous for its ghosts due to the fact many of the school’s spirits around campus live full time in Dolan Hall’s ventilation.
Despite being the epicenter of all things spooky on Fairfield U’s campus, it’s been reported that Sister Mary is the only one of these ghosts that cares about the welfare of the students.
“I think it’s because she’s a nun and stuff,” said Hurling as she took a long sip off the jungle juice from her classy Starbucks on-the-go cup. “They’re supposed to like help us, ya know.”
Around sometime last week, Hurling had been midway through a tremendous drunk belch, in which she was about to get vomit on her new jumpsuit—when a pair of translucent hands held her hair back, allowing Hurling to vomit freely, without any care or worry.
“She really was the hero of the day,” praised Hurling. “Like I said, S&M is this dorm building’s only hope.”
It’s also been reported that when Sister Mary has the time, she’ll even join the students in other fun activities around the building.
“Sometimes when it isn’t too crazy, S&M will come to some parties,” explained Hurling. “However, it’s only when they’re on the DL. She’s a very private person, ya know being a nun and all.”
Sister Mary has also been spotted helping out her fellow fleshy neighbors by scaring freshman away, spreading rumors about new ghosts, and even telling party goers when the coast is clear for RAs.
“S&M’s a real bro,” said Ralph Yak ‘19, another resident of Dolan Hall. “She’s a bit freaky, like really freaky actually, but all in all she’s tight. She knows how to hang.”
Stagnation 